I am going out on a limb. I promise my readers that the world will not end on December 21, 2012. So, are you going to believe the scientists at NASA and me, or those fools in Hollywood who plan to frighten you to death with the movie, 2012? If they really believed this claptrap, they’d let all of us see the movie for free, because what would they spend all that money on if they were dead?
There are six documented reasons why we should not let an attack of irrationality seduce us into panic or a binge of guacamole dip. These doomsayers attribute their theory to the ancient Mayan civilization, but those folks are no longer around to either explain themselves, or why they put some people into such a snit.
Myth #1
Maya predicted the end of the world in 2012.
“Not so,” says Anthony Aveni, a Maya expert and archaeoastronomer at Colgate University. “It’s the time when the largest grand cycle of their calendar overturns, and a new cycle begins. The world is renewed, just like our New Year’s Day.” I assume without the hangover.
Myth #2
Breakaway continents will destroy civilization.
Princeton University geologist, Adam Maloof studies pole shifts, which is not at all like pole dancing. He says, “Magnetic evidence in rocks confirms that continents have undergone rearrangement, but the process took millions of years—so slowly that humanity would not have felt the motion.” Consequently, even if you lie in the middle of the road, you won’t feel any motion, unless you are run over by a truck.
Myth #3
Galactic alignment spells doom.
Some people are afraid that the path of the sun will cross the midpoint of our galaxy, “the Milky Way” (the one in the sky not the candy bar) and that this line-up will expose the earth to powerful galactic forces. Other people, who have imbibed too much Kickapoo Joy Juice, see this event in a positive light, predicting “a dawn of better human consciousness.” I guess this is when you smoke your weeds rather than pull them. David Morrison, a senior scientist with NASA Astrobiology Institute says, “Horoscope writers, (and may I add chiropractors) may be excited by alignments, but in reality alignments mean nothing. They create no changes in gravitational pull, solar radiation, planetary orbits or anything else that would impact life on earth.” And, University of Texas Maya expert, David Stuart writes, “No ancient Maya text or artwork makes reference to anything of the kind.”
Myth #4
Planet X is on a collision course with earth.
The origin of this theory predates the 2012 phenomena. Popularized in part by a woman who claims to receive messages from extraterrestrials, the Nibiru doomsday was originally predicted for 2003. Oops, missed it by that much!
Myth #5
Solar storms to savage the earth.
Okay, so now the sun is our enemy and will produce lethal eruptions. There is no scientific evidence that the sun is planning a barbeque.
Myth #6
Maya had clear predictions for 2012.
Aveni, the archaeoastronomer (who picked a profession that is hard to spell) compares the cycles in the Mayan calendar to our own New Year period, when “the closing of an era is accompanied by feverish activities” (like our parties, overeating, drinking and kissing strangers) “and is followed by a rebirth and resolutions to begin a better life.” I assume if those Mayans remembered what they did the night before. “In fact,” Aveni says,“the Maya weren’t much for predictions.”
So, you can show me your appreciation for this good news on December 22, 2012, but if I was wrong---forget about thanking me.
Esther Blumenfeld (Don’t drink the Kool-Aid)