While I was shopping for groceries, a little old lady zoomed around the corner riding her scooter like a bat out of Hell. She gazed up at the shelves filled with boxes of cereal, pointed at me and said, “You’re tall. Will you please get me a box of Fruit Loops from the top shelf?”
I’ve been called all kinds of things, but in my whole life, at 5’2”---I have never been accused of being “tall.” When I handed her a box of cereal, she smiled, thanked me and said, “I’m 93-years-old. At my age a person shrinks, but my nose and ears keep growing.” “Thanks for telling me that.” I replied. “Now I know what I have to look forward to.” TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
I know it’s the Information Age, but total strangers often share way more details than most people ever want to know. My 90-year-old friend, Jack lives with his dear wife in a senior residence. He enjoys riding the bus around town, because he says, “I can go wherever I want and I meet such interesting people.”
One day a young woman sat next to him, and he noticed a colorful tattoo on her arm. He remarked, “That tattoo is quite a work of art.” She replied, “Oh, if you like this one, you should see the one on my back,” and promptly raised her blouse to show him. Then she told him she was a stripper, and graciously invited him to come sometime to see her performance. He politely declined. TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
Periodically, I go to a swimming pool to do aerobic exercises. While I was splashing and kicking and huffing and puffing a veritable stranger decided to share the personal details of her life with me. It gave me pause. Do I look like a priest in my bathing suit?
Several years ago while on a cruise, the passengers were entertained by true confessions told us by a 25-year-old manicurist who was on her honeymoon. She and her 88-year-old groom had eloped, and were planning to surprise his kids with the news after their honeymoon. She told anyone within earshot that she was very disappointed that he didn’t have as much money as he has told her he had.“I thought only rich people could afford the whole package,” she moaned. I assume she meant fingers and toes. The last time I saw the honeymoon couple aboard ship, she was taking him scuba diving.
Mark Twain said, “The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.” However that was before facebook and twitter. Now young people tell all they know and then some.
So, I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and tell you more than you want to know about Victoria’s Secret. The lingerie stores are named after the prudish Queen Victoria, who took the throne in 1837 and went into seclusion for 25 years. The secret is that she supposedly liked to wear sexy lingerie. TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
Esther Blumenfeld (“Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear”) George Orwell