Taking my hike this morning, I started to think (must have been the blood pumping while going uphill) about how unkind some people have become. Civil discourse is a thing of the past, and conversation has become a garbage dumping ground. Johnny Depp warns us; “You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.”
It seems as if people have forgotten that everything you say and everything you do affects someone else. Words can hurt and damage another person in profound ways.
Every morning, I first read the sports page and then the funny papers. I want to know what’s going on in sports, so I won’t look like a total fool when my friends wax poetic about football or basketball. And I know that occasionally I can glean some wisdom from the funnies.
In the balloons above a little cartoon character’s head, I recently read, “Before you say something, ask: Is it true? Is it kind” Is it necessary?” Sage questions indeed. Friendship can end in an instant because of a stupid word. However a sense of humor helps when it’s more of a slip of the tongue than an intentional slur.
Luckily, my friend, Paula is gifted with a keen wit, and often she is sneaky fast with a comeback. Her husband, of blessed memory, was a renowned physician and professor, and often attended scientific meetings around the Country. One day, a woman said to Paula, “How do you know he’s being faithful to you when he’s gone?” Paula replied, “I know, because if he can’t publish it, he won’t do it.”
Atlanta, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, Ralph McGill was often criticized for his forthright columns in the Atlanta Constitution supporting the Civil Rights Movement. He was a Southerner who loved the South, but recognized the destructive effects of bigotry. His response to the poisonous criticism he received from some of his readers was always, “You just may be right,” which left no room for argument, and also intimated, “ And, you just may be wrong.” It was a powerful response given with civility.
Unfortunately, there are intrusive people who don’t know boundaries. Several years ago, I was taking a stroll in my neighborhood, happily talking to myself, when a neighbor, renowned for his boorishness, interrupted my conversation and said; “I just put a new roof on my house. It was very expensive. Do you want to know what I paid for it?” “ No, I don’t,” I replied. “But, I want to tell you,” he said. “Sorry,” I replied. “I still don’t want to know.” It was a truthful statement. I don’t think I was unkind, and it was certainly necessary since his roof was of no interest to me. Now, his house is on the market. I’m sure that when he sells it, he will send me a bill of sale---including the price of his roof. Some people are just like that.
Esther Blumenfeld (“Be careful what you say---It has a habit of coming back to boomerang you on the bum.”) anonymous Australian