“Sometimes just when I say, “Hello!” the right way, I’m like, ‘Whoa, I am so cool!”
(Robert Pattinson)

When my son, Josh lived in New York City, he warned me, “Mom, New York isn’t like Tucson. Don’t say, ‘Hello’ to people. Don’t even make eye contact.” Of course, I ignored his advice and immediately said, “Good Morning,” to a woman passing us on the street. She almost jumped out of her skin, but surmising that I wasn’t going to mug her, she mumbled, “Good Morning to you too.” I assume that it didn’t take her too long to recuperate.

I’m a friendly person, and when hiking in the mountains, I usually greet hikers with a simple, “Good Morning,” and all I expect is a simple “Good Morning” back.
But, instead of simple “Hellos,” lots of folks get creative---sometimes in irritating ways. For instance: I say, “Hello,” and the response is “Hay!” Why is someone greeting me with cut and dried fodder?”

Then, there’s “What’s up?” I’d like to say, “Here’s what’s up. When I got into my auto this morning, I noticed that the bonnet was open. So I also checked the boot, and then I drove to the chemist. Do you want to know more?”

I find the expression, “Have a nice day” most irritating.  In the dictionary, “Nice,” can either be, “fastidious or not easy to please.” Then there is the expression, “How are you doing?” It is usually delivered thus: “Haarr Ya Dooon?”  I want to reply; “I’m doing one step after the other, trying to climb this steep hill…you moron!”

Of course I can be greeted with the first and lowest cardinal number---“Have a good one” Or, “What’s shaking?” Naturally, the response is, “At my age, everything!”

So far, I am very fortunate that no Chinese person has cursed me with “Have an interesting day!” If that ever happens, I’d be better off staying in bed with the covers pulled over my head.

One of the most unique greetings ever experienced by several people was when my husband, Warren (of blessed memory) got on a crowded elevator, with his back to the elevator door, and, facing all those strangers, said, “We have to stop meeting like this!” Waiting for him at the main floor, I watched everyone on the elevator exit, laughing hysterically…. either that, or they were simply hysterical. I never found out, because, when I asked him, “What was that all about?”  He replied, “Don’t know. Guess it was the way, I said ‘Hello.”’

Esther Blumenfeld (“What’s Kickin’ Little Chicken?”)