My Mother was a beautiful woman. She had black, (naturally wavy) hair, sparkling blue eyes, a patrician nose, and pearly-white teeth that perfectly aligned in her rosebud mouth.

People used to say to me, “Oh, Your Mother is so beautiful!” And then, after a quick appraisal, they would look at me and say, “You look just like your Dad, don’t you!” No denying it, I was the spitting image of my beloved Father. I didn’t mind that part, I just often wondered what it felt like to be so beautiful.

To round out the image, my Mother had a well-proportioned body for her short height, but she always strived to be thinner. Consequently, she embarked on one fad diet after another—-including the grapefruit diet and the lemon and lime diet which gave her indigestion. The cabbage soup diet was a moving experience for all of us. After years of yo-yo dieting, the only weight that Mom lost permanently was her gall bladder.

Having a fond attachment to my gall bladder, I don’t ever try diets, but finally I did ask my doctor, “I eat fruits and vegetables and I exercise, so why am I not thinner?” And he replied,
“Because you’re not supposed to be.” When he left the room, his nurse added, “You do know that muscle weighs more than fat.” “Well,” I replied, “It’s amazing how much muscle I can gain after a cruise.” I never step on a scale at the Doctor’s office, because they always weigh my clothes along with me, and I am convinced that the nurse puts her foot on the scale while standing behind me.

In past years, in order to make a lot of money, people have come up with bizarre and downright stupid diets. I vowed a long time ago that the only Master Cleanse” I would take is a daily shower. Nor will I ingest a diet of lemons and limes. No sourpuss am I!  Some women have taken up cigarette smoking to curb their appetites. This is probably the most risky of all diets, and I vow never to be the thinnest woman in the cemetery.

Jennifer Anniston eats baby food to lose weight. If I did that, I think my taste buds would shrivel up and die, or I would start drooling and sucking my thumb. I had a friend who was Fashion Editor of the New York Times Magazine. She told me that some models eat Kleenex to curb their hunger, so they could look like anorexic clothes hangers.

I recently read that, “The second day of a diet is always easier than the first, because by the second day—you’re off of it!

Way to Go!  Way to Go!

Esther Blumenfeld (Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”)  Fran Lebowitz