“People waiting for an elevator don’t know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. It’s an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.” (Andy Rooney).

In the 1960’s, a scientist named Edward Hall founded the field of proxemics, the study of how people use personal space as a form of non-verbal communication. However, there is almost no personal space on a crowded elevator.

When I was a very little girl, I got on an elevator with my Mother. We were pushed to the rear, as other people got on. All I could see was the back of people’s knees. When the down elevator finally stopped, I hung on to the bottom of my Mother’s skirt as we got off. Then, I looked up and discovered that I was hanging on to the wrong skirt. I didn’t even know that woman!

Of course, that was not as bad as the time when I saw my first escalator in Kansas City, Missouri. I stood transfixed at the bottom of the escalator as I watched my absent-minded Father ascend, and then disappear. I went to a saleslady and said, “There’s a very worried man lost up there somewhere.” She made that announcement on the Department Store intercom. I was right!

But this is a story about elevators. A recent study by the Thyssenkrupp Elevator Company claims that “seven billion elevator trips happen everyday.” I guess that is one time you can get some peace and quiet for at least 30 seconds—unless a chatty person gets on and starts talking. One way to avoid this is to push the close button immediately as you get on the elevator. If people yell, “Hold it!” hold the close button and shout back, “Oh, I am so sorry.”

Good elevator etiquette is that everyone should face the front. One time, in Las Vegas, my husband got on a crowded elevator. He was the last passenger on. Facing all the people, it was so crowded that he couldn’t turn around, so he said, “We have to stop meeting like this.”

When getting on an elevator, it’s a good idea to stop your conversation with another person, until you exit the elevator and can resume talking about whatever you were talking about. If you carry on a conversation, everyone can listen in. A person can pretend that she  isn’t eaves dropping, by looking intently at her cell phone. You don’t even have to turn it on—just stare at it.

If you have pushed your way to the front of an elevator, you most probably have to step out to let people off, and then step back in again, if the people on the elevator let you.

 In a full elevator, take up as much space as possible so some big guy won’t squeeze in and set off an alarm. The alarm usually sounds like, “There’s no more room.Take the next one!”

When there are only two of you on the elevator, stand on the opposite side and don’t stare. Smiling might be okay unless you recognize the other person from his photo on the post office wall.  The joy of having an elevator to yourself can be ruined when you realize that some obnoxious kid has pushed all of the buttons, and you have to stop at every floor on your way up.

Some people fear getting stuck in an elevator. If that happens, Daniel Handler suggests that: “Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”

The best advice I can give you when getting on an elevator is, “Don’t be surprised to see people getting off.” And, if you get off on the wrong floor, wait for the next elevator. You really don’t want to face all of those people who think you know what you are doing.”

And, when you get to the top floor, send the elevator down for the next person. Then, you don’t have to be nice for the rest of the day.

Esther Blumenfeld