In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion.

There are two ways to insult people: One is sarcasm—- a reaction to an irritant—but is funny. And, then there is snark, which is snide, but not funny. Oscar Wilde said, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.” If that is true, then obviously the snarky person is just an annoying jackass.

For example: A young woman buys a dress that she loves, and models it for her friend, who says, “You’re not going to wear that to the party are you?” That is classic snark. Or, “You look good for your age.”  That is a backhanded compliment covered in snark. However, sarcasm is the ability to tell someone to go to hell, in such a funny way, that he will look forward to the journey.

Winston Churchill was a master of sarcasm. When Nancy Astor said to Winston Churchill, “If I were your wife, I’d poison your coffee” (snark). Churchill replied, “If I were your husband, I’d drink it” (sarcasm). I find snarky behavior sneaky. It is passive/aggressive and reeks of hostility.  Of course, sarcasm can also be delivered by an angry person, but it’s never sullen, because sullen isn’t funny.

One of my all-time favorite books is, THE ALGONQUIN WITS, edited by Robert E. Drennan ,(Citadel Press, 1985. It is a collection (albeit dated) of bon mots and wisecracks by members of the legendary, “Vicious Circle, that gathered at lunch around a table at the Algonquin Hotel in New York City in the 1920’s, way before my time, but much of the sardonic humor of those writers, critics, actors and wits lives on. If you are not familiar with those people, I recommend you ask Mr. Google. He is most accommodating.

In the book, Robert Benchley discusses a Broadway show: “It was one of those plays in which all the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.”  George S. Kaufman, after the flop of his first play, SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE, remarked “There wasn’t.” He also once suggested his own epitaph, “Over my dead body!”

One evening at the Friars Club a fellow member asked Ring Lardner to read aloud a poem written by a member’s brother, twenty years deceased. After he finished, Ring asked,, “Did he write it before or after he died?” Dorothy Parker, a regular member of the Algonquin Wits, was told that Clare  Booth Luce was, “invariably  kind to her inferiors.” At that Dorothy Parker asked, “And where does she find them?” According to Mrs. Parker, “Wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.”

On the occasion of George and Beatrice Kaufman’s 5th anniversary, Alexander Woollcott wrote to them, “I have been looking around for an appropriate wooden gift, and am pleased hereby to present you with Elsie Ferguson’s performance in her new play.”

And, with that, I will leave all the unimaginative snarks far behind with this quote from comedian, Emo Phillips, who said, “Never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do judge him, you’re a mile away and in his shoes.”

Esther Blumenfeld