On October 5th my friend received a message on her computer from the office of her ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) Doctor.“I am the Doctor’s Virtual Assistant. Your appointment has been cancelled. Can you change that appointment to March 30th, 2022? If so, press ‘Yes.’ If not, press ‘No.’” My friend pressed, “HELL, NO!” I think she should have responded, “Hear No Evil, Smell No Evil, Speak No Evil—-You Virtual Nincompoop!”

I, on the other hand, on September 29th received an e-mail from my Dental Office. It was short and sweet. “Please call the office to reschedule your appointment.” I called immediately. The Phone Robot informed me  that I could not reschedule my appointment, because the office would be closed from October 1st to October 7th to upgrade their equipment in order to “enhance my patient experience.” I felt neither patient nor enhanced.

Admittedly, physicians are very busy people. Consequently, I am usually required to make my follow-up appointments either 6 months or a year in advance. However, after arranging my schedule, and sometimes transportation, it is most annoying to get a call a few days before my appointment that the Eye Doctor won’t be available—like it was my fault and not a joint decision. Then, after making the change, it is most aggravating to get a call which informs me that, “The doctor won’t be in this office on the day of your appointment. Can you hitch the huskies to your sled and come to his far, far away office on the other side of the world?” Of course, my “No, I don’t go there,” will get me another appointment on another day. Two appointments down. I hope I don’t have a third one. I don’t need a charm. I need a check-up.

My recent experience was in the Twilight Zone. My favorite doctor now has two offices and their human schedulers could not seem to coordinate appointments. I was shunted from one scheduler to another and they just couldn’t figure out where I was supposed to go (or when!) I am really not a tough case. All I needed to do was to stick out my arm, bleed for the technician and then have my doctor interpret the gobbledygook  on my report card. I was afraid that if I couldn’t get an appointment with my doctor, I’d have to register as a new patient and then be informed that, “The doctor doesn’t accept new patients.”

Finally, I did get an appointment. “Your appointment with the doctor is at 9:15 a.m. but he will see you at 10:15 a.m. Come 15 minutes early and bring your insurance cards.” I know that the pandemic has taken a toll on all of us including my talented physicians, and I will continue to trust and respect them—as long as they don’t refer me to their new partner—Dr. Google.

Esther Blumenfeld