“Some things are not probable, but everything is possible.”

That’s why there are disclaimers on almost everything in life. I think the reason is so you won’t have the opportunity to sue someone if you weren’t paying attention.  For instance, this morning, I woke up, turned on my TV and saw an ad where a guy in a wet suit was shaving his face with a battery driven razor— while he was submerged in water. I don’t know why any swimmer would be inclined to do such a thing, but the small print under the ad ran past me very fast. I think it probably said, “Don’t try this if you can’t swim.”

Unfortunately, there are no instructions for the unforeseen, but when there are instructions on the highway that read, “Watch for deer,” you probably don’t have a lawsuit if you hit a moose.
Whatever product you use—whether it’s medication or cat food you might have missed.—“Not for human consumption.” And, if you misplaced your magnifying glass you probably didn’t see,“If the cat throws up, he didn’t like it very much either.”

Sometimes it seems as if there can be side effects for everything including marriage. That’s why you can go to the offices of Schmuck and Putz for a cheap prenuptial agreement which lists all of the bad side effects that can occur during your get together.

There are warnings all around us:  “We sell the best flooring in the business!” Then the small print:  “Avoid walking on this floor with shoes.”

“Recycle plastic here” (but not plastic bags)” “Recycle paper here” (but not the editorials).

“Do not refrigerate.” “Refrigerate after opening.”

“Gleam Toothpaste will whiten your teeth.” (If you are allergic to the stuff in Gleam, your teeth will fall out).

“Push down and turn top.” (If you pull where you should have pushed you will end up with an unopened bottle.)

“Enter!” “Do not Enter!”

“Stop Your Cough” will stop your cough, (side effects “May turn your toes purple, unless you get the orange flavor.”).

“All employees must wash hands. Wave hands under toweling paper dispenser even if it is empty.” (The breeze will dry your hands.)

“This promotional offer is valid.” (except when it’s not.)

“This product will give you Peace of Mind.” (unless you haven’t got one.)
 
    WARNING!  In life, don’t let the fine print cloud your good judgement.

Esther Blumenfeld