My voicemail kept telling me “You have a new message, but then immediately said, “You have no new messages on your phone—Beep! Beep! Beep!” I was being gas lighted by my telephone. That’s not entirely true. If my voicemail said, “You have three messages on your phone,” I could listen to two of them, but the mysterious one was never there.

When the phone in my bedroom started beeping at 2 a.m., and then shone a flashing light into my eyes, I shouted, “I’ll talk!  “I’ll talk! Just give me someone to talk to.” It was time to call my Xfinity Provider. In case you don’t know it, when Comcast was told that everyone hated them, they changed their name to Xfinity.

So, I hid my phone in the bathroom at night, and called Xfinity in the morning. After calling three times, I was told by three different technicians in the Philippines that, “You are  a longtime favorite customer and consequently you are eligible for some perks.” I finally told the last technician what he could do with his perks. All I wanted was to get my phone fixed. The other two had only taken an hour each before they referred me to him—“The Expert.”  He futzed around for another hour and finally said, “Someone will have to come to your home to fix the override related issue. I can get someone there tomorrow between l p.m. and 3 p.m. It should only be a five-minute fix, and there will be no charge.”

Since it would only take five minutes, I requested that the local technician come at 1 p.m. so I wouldn’t have to waste my whole day waiting for him. Luckily, the Xfinity Guy arrived at 1 p.m. He played the voicemail and said, “It says, ‘You have a new message. You have no new messages.” I replied, “I know. The technician in the Philippines  said that I have an override related issue. I don’t know what that means, but I hope you do.”

After an hour-and-a-half with my technician talking to another technician on his not so Smart Phone, he said, “I have to leave for another appointment.” Whereupon I said, “The Expert Technician“ in the Philippines said you could fix this in five minutes.  You think it’s the time difference?” He replied, “Don’t worry, I will give you a ticket.” I said, “I don’t want to have to go to court over this.”  He said, “Not that kind of ticket. This will send your problem to the Xfinity Engineers, and they will have your problem fixed within 72 hours.”  “That’s three days,” I replied.  “Why couldn’t my voice mail problem have been sent to them when it started?”  He said, “I don’t know why Xfinity does what it does.  I just work for them, but I had a  very nice visit with you.”

After one more night of hiding my phone in the bathroom, I woke up to a smooth dial tone—no more beeping, no more lights in my eyes, and the little woman hiding in my phone didn’t have to lie to me anymore about a message that wasn’t there.

I don’t know how that Engineer got into my bathroom, but I’m glad he fixed my voicemail.  I just wonder if he used the guest towel when he was finished.

Esther Blumenfeld