It gives me pane to sea Putin’s bear chest to aye his mussels. Parish the thought that he could chews too by a shirt. You’d think that the Knight of the Living Dead could write a Czech to afford to bye one, butt he’s probably two  cheep. It is a reel fax that Russia is running out of cache.  Give me a brake!

That paragraph is an example of some earthy Homophones that sound the same as other words, but have a different meaning, and to make it more difficult sometimes Homophones are even spelled the same way such as: watch, tear and fly.

“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.” (Doug Larson)  And, if you have ever laughed at someone with an accent, remember she speaks more than one language.

The reason I bring all of this up is that you Native English Speakers have no inkling of how difficult it is to learn the robust English language. However, lots of people who were born into it tend to abuse it when it gets in their way.  I should know, because I had to learn English when I was a three-year-old who spoke fluent German when my parents and I escaped the Nazis in 1939. “Only English” was the rule in our home, since my Father, who was already fluent in seven languages, had to improve his pronunciation and English language skills to remain successful in his profession. For instance, when he conducted his first funeral, he asked the President of the Congregation if he had done all right. The President was complimentary, but suggested that the next time Dad might want to say, “The man was deceased…not diseased.”

Rules or no rules, I wanted none of it! I, the stubborn child, wanted everyone to speak the way I did. Mother was quite concerned, but Dad said, “Don’t worry, the children in the neighborhood will teach her English.” Everyday, when I came into the house after playing outside, Mother would ask (in German) “Did you learn any English today?”And everyday I would shake my head “NO!” However after a week, she asked again, “Did you learn any English today?” I smiled, looked at her, and said, “Shit, Booger, Fart!” Hooray, I was an American. Of course, we all became fluent in English. One room in our home was a library, and Dad told me, “You can read any book you can reach without standing on a chair,” and he knew he had it made when he dreamed in English.

I not only learned the English language, I fell in love with it, and eventually my love affair with beautiful, expressive words became my career. However, English is an ever-changing language constantly in flux. Sometimes, I will use a word, and my son, Josh will say, “Mom, no one uses that word anymore,” and I will reply, “I do.” Other times some words fly away with the winds of extinction, and probably rightfully so. Other times, I find that there are words that I do not understand—especially those involving new technologies—even when I look them up.

So, I realize that the limits of my language draw the limits of my world, but that’s okay. When my parents moved to a retirement community, someone asked my Father, “Is it difficult for you to move?” He replied, “Not as long as I have my books.  My books are my portable homeland.”

Esther Blumenfeld