The definition for assertive is: “Having to show confidence and a forceful personality.” However in life, I sometimes have had to fake it. I have found that the older I get the more some people think that I am a push-over. Oh, have they got it wrong!

I do pick my battles carefully—I always did.  I try to listen and respect the opinions of others, and I do believe in problem solving  and  compromise, when possible. Also, I never shout at people giving them an excuse to yell back, because that’s being aggressive ( a whole other bag of worms.)

Once a year, I have an important examination of my eyes by a Retina Specialist.  He is in great demand thus the appointments have to be made a year in advance (unless a problem arises). Invariably, six months down the road, after I have made my appointment, I will receive a phone call that my appointment date has to be changed.  No problem!  And, YES! it happened again.
Consequently, I received a confirmation—-by computer, by text and by a phone call—of the date and time of my appointment. I answered them all. And, I printed out the computer information. I always print out important stuff (killing many trees.)

On the day of my appointment, I arrived first thing in the morning, and the receptionist informed me, “You don’t have an appointment in this office. The doctor is at his other office on the other side of town. I will have to re-schedule you.” I looked at her, and said, “No you won’t.  I’m not going anywhere, and I am keeping my appointment that you already re-scheduled once.”

She finally, looked up from her computer, gave me that, “You are a  Senile Old Broad look,” and slowly said, “But the doctor’s not here.” I gave her the print-out of my scheduled appointment at the present location,  and equally slowly said, “You changed my original appointment and gave me this one—at this location.This is a big practice. The mistake wasn’t mine.  Surely, there’s another specialist who can examine my eyes.” She said, “Well, Dr. So and So is in but he has a full schedule.” I replied, “Please, go tell him what happened, and ask him if he can work me in. I brought a good book and can wait all day.”

Morosely, she left her desk. After a few minutes she returned, and cheerfully chirped, “The Doctor will see you in 10 minutes.”  And he did! He was my doctor’s associate and gave me the whole enchilada exam.  All is well, and I made an appointment for next year, at the same time and at the same location, with my absentee doctor.  

When I left the office, the chagrinned receptionist looked 10 inches shorter than when I had arrived.

Sometimes, it pays to push back, and not take “No” for an answer.  However, if someone does say, “No,” I suggest that you politely say, “I understand that’s your answer. Now who can I talk to?”

Esther Blumenfeld