When Alabama Senator, Tommy Tuberville says that, “white nationalists are not racists.They are Americans.” That is like saying, rattle snakes aren’t poisonous.They just like to greet people with a friendly wave of their behinds.

Former Vice President, Mike Pence, in an interview with Tucker Carlson, said, about the attack of the United States Capitol, “I never said the word, insurrection. I called it a riot.” Of course when the rioters were shouting, “Hang Pence,” he didn’t call it a “Laugh Riot.”

When a group of men was lost and trapped in a snowstorm in the mountains at Donnor Pass in the 1800’s, it was discovered that their leader, Alferd Packer had survived, because he had killed and eaten some of this fellow travelers. He did not admit that he had succumbed to cannibalism, although he did not suffer from malnutrition.  He could have said that what he had eaten to stay alive was —“finger licking good!”

Some teachers in our schools are now ordered not to teach anything but happy history to their students. Perhaps they could teach that people from Africa were not brought to our shores on slave ships, but they had just taken relaxing cruises on the Queen Mary, and decided to work for masters on plantations for free. After all, it would teach pride in ownership, and   “not make children feel guilty”.

History can be so much fun— even when we declare war on another  country, because now war can be called, “A police action.”  Or even better—“a counter-insurgency.”

Also, women in the United States should be proud that they are no longer legally considered “property of their husbands.” After all, they aren’t forced to wear head scarves like women are in backward countries.  Now women can even own AR15 guns which are protected by the U.S.
Constitution even though women’s  bodies now belong to State Legislatures and the U.S. Supreme Court.

Covid Masks are frowned upon unless they are now used to cover the eyes. After all those nasty Pulitzer Prize Winning Books must be banned so our children will not be exposed to them. Why would anyone want a young person to read such books as:
TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD,Harper Lee, MAUS, Art Spiegelman, GONE WITH THE WIND, Margaret Mitchell, THE COLOR PURPLE, Alice Walker, OF MICE AND MEN, John Steinbeck, BELOVED, Toni Morrison, SOPHIES CHOICE, William Styron, FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS, Ernest Hemingway, THE GRAPES OF WRATH, John Steinbeck, THE SUN ALSO RISES, Ernest Hemingway, or  AS I LAY DYING William Faulkner…(only to name a few).

And of course one of the books we should protect our children from is CHARLOTTE’S WEB, by E. B. White.  Cover your eyes kids!  This is a dangerous book, because— “Only humans should have the ability to speak.”

So it goes.

Esther Blumenfeld