WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?

This morning I went to my car to collect all of the left-over coupons offered by my favorite store, and then I destroyed them. BED, BATH,  and all of those useful products, have gone to the great store closing..BEYOND.

As far as I can remember, it began with the famous rivalry of two department stores in Midtown Manhattan—GIMBEL’S and MACY’S which were located two blocks from one another.  GIMBEL’S motto was “Nobody But Nobody Outsells GIMBEL’S.”  And, MACY’S countered with, “Does MACY’S Tell GIMBEL’S?”—a warning about giving secrets to ones competitor. Unfortunately, some of the secrets leaked out, because sadly eventually MACY’S swallowed GIMBEL’S which was the start of something BIG!

It seems, as if everywhere I lived, MACY’S did the dirty deed. MARSHALL FIELD’S was the gem of Chicago. MARSHALL FIELD’S  display windows, as well as magical children’s department, enchanted Chicago at Christmas time. MARSHALL FIELD’S,  the store famous for Frango Chocolate Mints—disappeared into the belly of MACY’S.

Then we moved to Atlanta, and shopped at Atlanta’s favorite department store, RICH’S, a trusted family establishment. People used to call RICH’S just to chat with their friendly telephone operators, and any merchandise could be returned if the customer wasn’t satisfied. Mothers even told their children, “If you don’t behave, I will return you to RICH’S.” When my son, Josh was a very little boy, I took him on his first city bus ride to RICH’S, where I treated him to lunch at the beautiful Magnolia Room.  What he liked the best was that I spilled a glass of Coca Cola (big medicine in Atlanta) on my white coat. Unknowingly, while I blissfully shopped at RICH’S, MACY’S took over DAVISON’S a major competitor, and then MACY’S also gulped down RICH’S.

However, now it seems “What goes around, comes around,” because since 2020 MACY’S has now targeted 125 of their own stores, and has probably closed one in a mall near you. It seems as if department stores will soon go the way of the flightless Dodo bird, including the closing of SEARS the store that absorbed “AND ROEBUCK” in 1895 when Alvah Roebuck didn’t like SEARS financial gambling, so he sold out his shares and remained at the firm as a repairman.

The AARP Bulletin, (May 2023) featured an article, “The Future of Shopping.” The writer claimed that “Upcoming shopping will be more engaging, and entertaining.” Right away I thought, “I don’t want a clown fitting bras.” The article also claimed that “Dressing rooms will be spa like retreats.” That will be lots of fun with a 2-year-old in tow. And, the article also enthused with, “Second hand goods will be sold on racks right next to new stock.” I guess they want to compete with popular Consign Stores. Also, major retailers are expanding to store-within-a store programs.  I wonder if this means that you can get your dog washed at MACY’S?

Then there’s all that digital stuff:  “Your phone is now a favorite store.” So, why would anyone ever have to leave home? I still like to browse in a store.  It can be educational and fun.  Running around looking for a salesperson is good exercise!  

Also, I don’t care where you buy your Frango Chocolate Mints. They will never taste as good as those I bought at MARSHALL FIELDS!

Esther Blumenfeld

SAY WHAT?

The day my son said to me, “Mom, no one uses that word anymore,” and I replied, “I just did!was the day I decided that the art of conversation has gone the way of callused thumbs.

Tapping a text message requires no colorful language, nuance and certainly no eye contact— except with your cell phone. So, before all is lost, here are some helpful hints for the conversationally challenged:

 It takes more than one person to have a conversation, and
 It helps if one has something worthwhile to say.  “I just flossed my teeth” is not stimulating chitchat.
Some people drone on and on  because they find the sound of their own voice extremely entertaining. A drone is a pilotless missile.
Silence does not always require sound. Pregnant pause does not necessarily require delivery.

It seems as if everyone likes to talk, but few people listen. Maybe it’s because if you are the only one speaking, you don’t have to hear what the other person wants to say. Sometimes that can be a lifesaver, but on the other hand, listening can be illuminating.

I often go to restaurants by myself, and have decided that eavesdropping is okay if the speakers at the next table have turned up their volume. However, out of compassion, I did tune out one couple after the woman exclaimed, “It’s not the egg roll Harold, it’s out whole life!” Not sure I wanted to hear the rest of that.

Some people talk very fast. They are from New York. The rest of the world is not. Some people mumble. That is a great cover for being a teenager, not knowing the answer to a question or having a mouthful of pasta.

My last two hints for the conversationally challenged are:

5. Do not say, “Get to the point,” because you can’t assume that there is one.
6. Don’t start a conversation with, “How are you?” You just might find out.

Esther Blumenfeld (say what?)

YOU ARE HOW OLD!

For my recent birthday, a friend sent me a greeting card that pictured two women leaning over the hood of a car inspecting the engine.  The message inside the card said, “It’s all about maintenance.” Boy! is that true! Another card said, “Sure, you’re a year older, but things could be worse.” The inside of the card read, “You could be old and pregnant!” My friend then added, “Take Care!”  Not to worry.

I am blessed with the love of family and the treasure of friendship. I do not take any of that for granted.  Being thought of on one’s birthday is truly a gift. It doesn’t matter if the heartfelt good wishes come in the form of greeting cards, e-mails, text messages, or phone calls—being remembered is the greatest gift of all!

I have no patience with the curmudgeons who pooh-pooh their birthdays and say, “I don’t want to celebrate my birthday. What’s the big deal about getting older?” When I hear that, I always give them something to think about when I say, “I, for one, am happy that your parents had SEX!”  The visual alone will shut them up.

So, now I am a few days older than I was a few days ago.  Some say that, “Age is just a number.” Well, in my case it’s a pretty big number.  My dear husband, Warren used to say, “When you are retired, you only need to learn one new thing a day.”  That is good advice. However, I believe that one good deed a day is also a good idea.  You are very lucky if you can do this good deed early in the morning, because then you won’t have to be nice the rest of the day.

My mother-in-law always said, “If you live long enough, you’ll see everything.”  She was right. No one lives a charmed life.  Sometimes, it’s very, very hard getting from one day to another.  On the other hand, when the good times roll, life is sublime, and, if you are smart, you will discover the balance—because that’s what life is all about.

I know that there is still time for me to become a better person. It’s a worthy goal. However,  if I don’t accomplish my mission, I hope that my life will have been good enough.  A little laugh here and a little laugh there just might help—because,  when you  boil it all down—“Life is truly ridiculous!”

Esther Blumenfeld

TELL IT LIKE IT IS

I was usually a very respectful child, but once, when I sassed my Mother, she grabbed her bedroom slipper and chased me around the dining room table shouting “ Act like a lady!” The ridiculousness of this situation stuck with me, and unfortunately I have been sassing people ever since. It’s called “Humor,” and I find it everywhere.

For instance, recently, after attending a theatre production a woman in the audience said, “The best part of the play was when it was over.”

Yesterday, I answered the telephone, and a man asked for “George.”  I said, “You have the wrong number,” and he said, “Are you sure?” “No,” I replied, “but I know that no one here wants to talk to you.” You have to admit that was pretty sassy.

When driving home from a meeting, one of the women in the car remarked, “The younger members don’t want to have anything to do with the white haired ladies.” Whereupon, my friend, Paula remarked, “Any hairdresser in any beauty shop can fix that.”

Once, when I was on a cruise, a  woman at the table ordered a plate of green beans for dinner. That was it—a plate of green beans! She said, “I refuse to gain one ounce on this trip.” I just couldn’t help but say, “I decided a long time ago not to be the thinnest woman in the cemetery.”

Recently, the weather hit a record 87 degrees in February. I cautioned a new neighbor from the midwest to watch out for rattlesnakes, because when it turns hot, they come out of hibernation. At that, the man said, “I didn’t know they come into neighborhoods, I thought they just live in the desert.” For once, I was speechless. I should have said, “They think you live in the desert and they can’t read house numbers.”

Last week, another neighbor fell down in the street and cut her chin. I called her husband the next day to see how she was feeling. Her husband told me that she had needed 6 stitches. He added, “Her balance isn’t very good.” Then he told me, “Today, I had to take her to the hospital for surgery.” “What kind of surgery?” I asked. “Hemorrhoid,” he replied. Relieved, I blurted out, “Well, I guess that helped her with her balance.”

When I told my practical friend Perry, the engineer what I had said, he said, “If it was a matter of balance, she would have been better off keeping the hemorrhoids.”

Ask, and you just might receive.

Esther Blumenfeld (“Philosophers are good at parties, but not at cleaning up after.”) Lorrie Moore, A GATE AT THE STAIRS

LOAD UP AND STOW

In his Tucson Daily Star Column (April 16, 2023) Tim Steller writes that the “Storage Business is Hot!” He then describes the storage unit that his parents had rented when moving out of their house, and tells of a large hunk of tree root that had been stashed away because his Dad thought at some time he could use it.

The Public Storage Rental Industry has experienced a huge boon in recent years. The latest estimate for the business is $2.915 Billion—a 2.1% increase from 2019. A good slogan for a storage facility might be: “We Love Your Stuff More Than You Do! ” A bad slogan might be:
“Stop Buying So Much Stuff!”

A  few nights ago, I had dinner with a couple who bemoaned the fact that after their move to a smaller home, they now had belongings, that they had collected from their extensive travels, stored in three different storage facilities. Recently, they had gone to visit one of the storage lockers in order to examine several boxes filled with valuable hand-woven blankets— only to discover that their precious stored items had served as a fifteen year MOTH! Smorgasbord. The blankets and the money paid for their storage all landed in a dumpster.

My Father stored papers in the basement of our home until it was time to move on.  He discovered several boxes of mold. No wonder that our basement had that pungent smell for all those years. When my parents moved to a Senior Residence, they rented a Storage Unit where Dad kept lots and lots of newspapers, that contained articles about him or other stories of interest. “Someday,” he planned to cut them out to preserve in a scrapbook. That day never came. In one swoop those papers landed in the Recycle Bin.

Moving on, means moving forward, and letting go of the, “I don’t need it, but I want it” attitude. Is it really worth paying $300.00 a month for the wood saw embossed with, “I Love Minnesota,” or the collection of prom dresses from 1950, or the sterling silver tray that none of your kids want—now or never—no matter how many times you ask them.

My motto is, “If you can’t use it—lose it!” Either donate or sell those items before you die, because chances are they will be dumped. Be smart.  Save the money you’d use  on years of  storage. Sell what you can, and take a world cruise with the money saved.

When I moved to my apartment from a big house, I left my over-sized furniture with the new owners, because they loved the 25-year-old tables and leather sofas and chairs. I then gave my son and daughter-in-law whatever they wanted (almost)—remembering what my Mother always said, “ It’s better to give with a warm hand than a cold one.”

I kept the furniture that fit into my new life style as well as a few things that had sentimental value for me.  I also purchased a few new pieces of furniture. New can be fun!  Now, it is a delight to visit my son and daughter-in-law, and and see how much they cherish and enjoy the items from my home and life.  

I also find pleasure by knowing that my donated items will go to families who could otherwise not afford to purchase them. That’s a win-win all the way around, and for me it’s also nourishment for the soul.

Esther Blumenfeld