The Intense Zone

There they were---sitting up high on a platform above us. Comfortably, separated from hoards of disgruntled voters, and protected by a 12-year-old officer of the law, there sat our elected County Board of Supervisors.

A stalwart neighbor, and I, had battled street construction and the 105-degree heat to attend this meeting downtown, because developers were presenting a rezoning issue that affected our neighborhood. We were there to witness government in action, and plead with our supervisors not to change the zoning.

At 9 a.m., with a bang of the gavel, those attending were admonished that if we behaved in an unbecoming manner we would forthwith be ejected from the hall. With that declaration, the young, skinny officer puffed out his chest and tried to look tough. Next, a woman minister gave an invocation that excluded several religions, and after the pledge of allegiance to the flag the meeting (with 30 items on the agenda and 35 items on the addendum) began.

It started with a 15-minute presentation from Pause for Paws. An officer from the Animal Care Center entered with a dog wearing a neck scarf, who was up for adoption (the dog not the officer) at a cut-rate fee of $10.00. No one bit---not even the dog. The next 10 minutes were devoted to a proclamation honoring the 50^th anniversary of a defunct missile site, and then a proclamation honoring The Junior Roller Derby took another 10 minutes. All this activity must have tired the supervisors because suddenly they stood up and left the room.

I asked someone, “Where are they going?” and she replied, “They are going into Executive Session so an attorney can explain to them what is going on.” “Why couldn’t they have done that before the meeting,” I asked. None of the 100 citizens in the audience seemed to have an answer, but no one was having a good time---including the officer of the law, who kept looking at his Mickey Mouse watch. Thirty minutes later, the supervisors returned, and we were told that 3 items from the addendum had been withdrawn. Good!  It was now 10 a.m. and only 62 items were left. Luckily, our neighborhood issue was 3^rd on the list.

Those of us who wanted to speak were allowed 3 minutes each. I wanted to shout, “The dog got 15 minutes and I get three?” but the officer of the law looked like his feet hurt so I didn’t. Along with representatives from other neighborhoods, we presented eloquent 3-minute presentations, but when the developer mentioned increased tax revenues the supervisors perked up, their eyes glistened and they, “behaving in an unbecoming manner” immediately voted against us.

It was now time for lunch. I hope they enjoyed their meal, because I suspect that my neighbors will remind them that $10 dogs don’t vote.

Esther Blumenfeld (“It is hard to fail, but it is even worse never to have tried to succeed”) Teddy Roosevelt

Too Much Information

While I was shopping for groceries, a little old lady zoomed around the corner riding her scooter like a bat out of Hell. She gazed up at the shelves filled with boxes of cereal, pointed at me and said, “You’re tall. Will you please get me a box of Fruit Loops from the top shelf?”

I’ve been called all kinds of things, but in my whole life, at 5’2”---I have never been accused of being “tall.” When I handed her a box of cereal, she smiled, thanked me and said, “I’m 93-years-old. At my age a person shrinks, but my nose and ears keep growing.” “Thanks for telling me that.” I replied. “Now I know what I have to look forward to.”  TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

I know it’s the Information Age, but total strangers often share way more details than most people ever want to know. My 90-year-old friend, Jack lives with his dear wife in a senior residence. He enjoys riding the bus around town, because he says, “I can go wherever I want and I meet such interesting people.”

One day a young woman sat next to him, and he noticed a colorful tattoo on her arm. He remarked, “That tattoo is quite a work of art.” She replied, “Oh, if you like this one, you should see the one on my back,” and promptly raised her blouse to show him. Then she told him she was a stripper, and graciously invited him to come sometime to see her performance. He politely declined. TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Periodically, I go to a swimming pool to do aerobic exercises. While I was splashing and kicking and huffing and puffing a veritable stranger decided to share the personal details of her life with me. It gave me pause. Do I look like a priest in my bathing suit?

Several years ago while on a cruise, the passengers were entertained by true confessions told us by a 25-year-old manicurist who was on her honeymoon. She and her 88-year-old groom had eloped, and were planning to surprise his kids with the news after their honeymoon. She told anyone within earshot that she was very disappointed that he didn’t have as much money as he has told her he had.“I thought only rich people could afford the whole package,” she moaned. I assume she meant fingers and toes. The last time I saw the honeymoon couple aboard ship, she was taking him scuba diving.

Mark Twain said, “The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.” However that was before facebook and twitter. Now young people tell all they know and then some.

So, I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and tell you more than you want to know about Victoria’s Secret. The lingerie stores are named after the prudish Queen Victoria, who took the throne in 1837 and went into seclusion for 25 years. The secret is that she supposedly liked to wear sexy lingerie. TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Esther Blumenfeld (“Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear”) George Orwell