WHAT'S IN YOUR CLOSET?

Mark Twain said, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

The seasonal struggle has begun. It’s time to switch wardrobes from summer to winter.  Of course, fall is somewhere in-between as well as off-season.  This presents a problem—too cold, too hot—but rarely just right. Then, there’s also the hidden stack—those clothes you hung in the back of the closet for a few years waiting for a fashion comeback. There’s a difference between probable and possible.

Unfortunately, you can always fall into the roller coaster weather trap… when one day it’s summer weather and at the next day it’s freezing outside.Transitioning to winter usually involves wearing layers of clothing. That way you can strip a morning jacket and sweater down to a tee-shirt.  The good thing about this activity is that by afternoon you look as if you have lost 10 pounds.  However, in the morning you look like a weather balloon.

Space in a closet presents another problem since summer clothes are light and airy and winter clothes are heavy… unless they are threadbare which leads us to some sensible wardrobe rules:

If you are a man do not wear suspenders and a belt together—unless you have a really big beer belly.  If so, no one will notice the belt, and you may need the extra accessory to hold up your pants.  In that case they can be stored together. Also, men should unbutton single-breasted jackets when seated. However double-breasted jackets should stay buttoned.  It really depends where you want spaghetti sauce spots. 

So, here are some suggestions when organizing your closet:  

Hang the clothes you wear everyday closest to where you can get to them, and hang the fancy outfits further away unless you are a party girl. 

When purchasing a new item buy something that can coordinate with something you already have. For instance, your helmet should go with your motorcycle jacket.  

And finally, it’s a good idea to color coordinate.  This can be a problem if you are color blind.  My Mother used to instruct me to, “Cross the street when the light turns blue.”

In 1837 Hans Christian Andersen wrote the fairy tale, THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES. The plot involved two con men who posed as weavers and sold, to a vain Emperor,  a special suit of clothes that was supposedly invisible to anyone who is stupid or unfit for their job. The Emperor and his officials could not see anything, but were afraid of looking foolish or incompetent.

Later in the story, the Emperor parades throughout the town completely naked. No one said anything, until an innocent child shouted out, “The Emperor is wearing no clothes!” 

In that case, Collective silence had led to an empty closet.

Esther Blumenfeld

SHOP TIL YOU DROP

 Yesterday’s newspaper informed me that my neighborhood shopping center had been sold—-one more time.  However, this sale was to a developer who plans to replace the shops with houses and office buildings.  I don’t know why he couldn’t just fill it with sand and call it a desert, but developers don’t do that. Someone said, “The fountain in the middle of a dead mall still has coins in it, because people are wishing for the 90’s back."

Shopping used to be fun especially at Holiday Time. A person could window shop and see beautiful items that tugged at the heartstrings and the wallet.  Nowadays, some people enjoy shopping at Amazon.  Sitting alone in a room, staring at a computer doesn’t sound like a great adventure to me—whereas, there’s nothing like taking a two-year-old to a mall, dropping his hand while reaching for your credit card and a then finding him all gone! 

Now that’s an adventure!   It was a heart stopping experience I will never forget—the disappearance of my son, Josh.  I finally stopped yelling his name when I heard music playing nearby.  Sure enough, I found the little fellow dancing in the shoe department.  He had gathered enough of an audience that I could have sold tickets and purchased a pair of Christian Louboutins. However, the first thing I bought was a toddler harness with a long leash.  I could hang on and he could still hide in a coat rack.

Oh, the adventures at the mall.  On a cold winter day, I enjoyed watching the groups of senior mall walkers, who would burn calories walking around the mall and then get them back with breakfast at the Food Court, but fun was had by all.  I miss going to the mall with a friend, having lunch and then going to a block-buster new movie.

I will miss chatting with my favorite  sales associate who liked her job and  would help me with the merchandise. Little did I know that unhappy sales associates who hid from customers was the first indication of the demise of department stores. 

When my son was a pre-teen. he learned responsibility when I took him the the mall and we planned to meet at a specific time and place.  He liked his independence and was always on time, and I knew I could trust him. Years later, it prepared me to teach him to drive our stick-shift car, but it took a long time for me to allow him to get out of first gear. But I digress…

Losing my mall seems so discouraging, but this morning when I turned on the national news. I heard a story that there is a “mall recurrence”  on the East Coast, because people miss what malls have to offer, but the stores will update what they have done before.  I guess I’m not the only person who wants to touch the fabric of a garment rather than the screen on my computer.  Maybe there can be a compromise.

Of course malls will change with the times, but maybe there’s hope left for those of us who still like human interaction.  I fondly remember the little kiosk in the mall where a teen was selling earrings.  I asked her,”Do you have any clip earrings?” She replied, “No, but I can pierce your ears.” I thanked her, and said, “Sorry, but I need at least three opinions before having surgery.”  Where else but a shopping mall can you have an operation with your purchase?”

Esther Blumenfeld

MONKEY BUSINESS

When I was a pre-teen, my parents and I went on vacation to New York City.  One afternoon, when I was on my own, I noticed a store that had a “Going Out Of Business” sign in the window. Being curious, I gravitated to the store. The salespeople paid me no mind, but a few minutes later, a young man wandered in. One of the salesmen growled, “ You need help?”  “No, thanks,” said the man. “I’m just browsing.”  “Then get outta here,” yelled the salesman. Not wanting to be eaten alive, the young man and I dashed out of the store. 

I don’t cotton to the notion that all New Yorkers are rude---anymore than I believe that all Southerners are charming. However, when conducting business, a little charm can go a long way. 

When I lived in Georgia, I took my Mother to a restaurant. As we were leaving, the waitress said, “Y’all come back now.” So, my Mother turned around and went back. When she returned she said, “That woman wanted me to come back, but when I did, she didn’t want me to come back now even though that’s what she said. I was confused, so I gave her another tip.”

Also, no matter in what part of the Country you live, being rude to a secretary, the person between you and the boss, is really dumb. Telling an off-color joke can delay your appointment for at least a year.

In my career, I worked for many editors, some better than others. I have a friend who is now a very successful author. At one point she and I worked for the same magazine. She was assigned a story, and conducted 40 interviews for background accuracy. When she submitted the article, the editor rejected it saying, “This is not what I want, but I don’t know what I want.” Happily, she did not slit her wrists or shoot him.  A good boss can inspire loyalty.  A bad boss needs to beware of what his employee might put into his coffee.

Recently, a friend of mine needed a loaf of Holiday Bread. She got to the bakery and discovered that she had left her wallet at home.  The baker gave her the bread anyway and said it was a gift. She went back the next day to repay him the money, but how can anyone repay that kindness?  How a person conducts business is really a microcosm of how he or she conducts one’s life.

I’ve never seen a tombstone that says, “He made a billion bucks!” No one cares, because in the end, it’s the business of being a good person that really is the best epitaph.

Of course if you go to the cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona you might read, “He was a no good son-of-a bitch who stole my horse, but I forgave him after they hung him.”  Even in the good old days, Monkey Business had its price.

Esther Blumenfeld

FACE TO FACE

Years ago, there was a saying, “Children should be seen and not heard.” In 2026, a recent study found that “adults over the age of 25 are using 314 fewer words per day, and younger folks are using 451 fewer words.” It seems as if we are letting technology talk for us. 

Research published in PERSPECTIVES ON PSYCHOLOGICAL SCIENCE by Valeria Pfeifer and Matthias R. Mehl illustrated the lost interactions—which we often call “small talk”—have been replaced by technology.  So, why does this matter? After all, some people are so stupid that it’s a blessing when they don’t talk to you. Perhaps restraint is good if human beings are still in control. Maybe it’s dumb luck when you don’t have to listen to too many words. However, capability should not outrun control. Social connection should be more than digital messaging.

Along with diminished words, people texting are missing cues by not making eye contact, and emojis worn’t really let you know what the other person is really thinking.  Communication involves congregating with other people.  When a person use a touchscreen, or self check-outs, or digital ordering of goods there really is no need to speak out loud.  You don’t even have to talk to yourself.  However, the less real time you share with other people chance are the more isolated you may feel.  Also, laughing by yourself isn’t as much fun as hearing your friend’s voice and laughing together.

Isolation does’t build relationships. As a matter of fact, missing cues by not seeing the face of the person with whom you are communicating can lead to misunderstandings such as, “I really never knew him before I married him.” There’s something gained by talking with someone face to face. Of course there’s something positive about losing lots of words.  You won’t have to remember them.

Social media is a lot like a Covid  epidemic when it comes to really meeting people. Cues are missed by not reading facial expressions, and feelings of isolation set in when you realize you and your screen are really alone.

When Covid vaccinations were finally developed residents of my Senior Residence were once again encouraged to come out of the isolation of our apartments, and  to gather and have dinner in the dining rooms. Tables were set far apart and a table that normally seated six people was set to serve two.  Consequently, the conversations around the room consisted of 
“What?”  “What?”  Maybe, texting would have been useful, because we were sitting too far apart to communicate, but it was so much fun to laugh with others again.

So here’s the message:  The more we learn about technology, the more restraint we should demand while humans are still in control, and the spoken word isn’t diminished to a  big WHAT? with no answer because we’ve lost the words.

Esther Blumenfeld

ALL THAT'S FIT TO PRINT

It’s a tradition in my home to start the day with a cup of java and a newspaper. When visiting with my family in Washington, DC, the Washington Post was a real treat, but in Tucson, Arizona I have to settle for the Arizona Daily Star---not a bad paper---but certainly not the Post. I know I can get the news on my computer screen or tablet, but somehow it’s just not the same for me as print on paper. 

So, here’s how I read my morning paper: I start by scanning the Sports Page. I’m not a sports fan, but knowing which team won and which team lost makes me look like less of a wuss to my friends. The weather is on the back of the Sports Section so that’s an easy page flip.

After I discard the Sports Page, I separate the funny papers and the television page from the rest of the paper. Sometimes the “Funnies” are really funny. The other day, there was a cartoon of a woman looking up into the sky, with a box on her head, and a drone delivered pizza running down her face. I understood that one. But, it is truly aggravating when I don’t comprehend the technical terms coming out of a bubble over a cartoon character’s head.

The Local News lets me know who shot his neighbor, which roads have the worst potholes, and which company is being fined for getting caught doing something they didn’t think they’d get caught for doing. 

On the Editorial Page, I especially enjoy reading “Letters to the Editor.”  Living in Arizona, it is always comforting to know that when an angry person has a pen in his hand he won’t be able to hold a gun.  

Also, I learn something new everyday when reading the “Advice Column.” Yesterday, it featured a letter asking, “Do chess and sex mix?” It is illuminating to learn that Strip Poker is no longer in style.

At this point, I usually get a second cup of coffee and browse the ad section. 

There are companies that offer “easy financing, free delivery and a guy who’s going to break your fingers if you don’t pay up.” (I made up that last part.)

I enjoy reading about an “authentic family owned service” That’s so much better than an unauthentic family service. The Dollar Store sells a can of coffee for $6.00. That is confusing.  I thought they sold everything for a single Yen.  And, I discovered that the cheapest item featured in the grocery store ads is a flu shot.

Finally, I turned to the front page to read about all the bad things that are in the forefront of today’s news. It’s always upsetting to read from day to day that humanity is not as advanced as technology.  Then I noticed a headline that informed me that,  “Exercising when angry may trigger a heart attack.” 

So, I read the obituary page to cheer myself up. Most people who live in the desert are well preserved and live to a ripe old age, and it’s always good news that my name is not on that page, because then I’d have to cancel my morning paper.

Esther Blumenfeld