QUE SERA SERA

A few years ago, I was invited to a black-tie affair in San Francisco, hosted by my friend, Bonnie---the foremost real estate agent for Victorian homes in that magnificent city. She welcomed 500 guests to her estate. They were fed by the staffs of three caterers, and entertained by three bands that rocked the rafters from 8:00 at night until the sun shone on stragglers the next day.

I wandered around the crowded house eves-dropping on conversations while admiring beautiful people in their designer gowns and tuxedos. Several women wore shoes that cost more than my airline ticket. When I climbed the stairs to the 3rd floor ballroom, it seemed as if all 500 guests were at the bar or gyrating on the dance floor. Many of them were plastered, but I was merely stuck to the wall, unable to move.

Several young women were shouting at one another above the din. One of them said, “I’ve been accepted to nursing school.” When asked about her boyfriend, she said, “I dumped him!” But she added, that she had recently purchased a boxer. I assumed she meant a dog, but wasn’t sure since I was in San Francisco.

Later in the evening, fresh entertainment arrived---a cartoonist, an opera singer and a palm reader. The guests, who hadn’t yet lost their hearing, gathered around the grand piano on the main floor, and others lined up to either get their likeness sketched or their palms read.

I spied the young woman from the ballroom standing in line with her friends waiting for the palm reader. I said to the young woman, “You really don’t need to wait, because I can read your palm.” “You can?” she said. “Yes,” I replied as she extended her hand. I asked for silence and gazed at her palm. I said, “You have recently traded in your boyfriend for a boxer.” Her friends gasped. She looked at me awestruck. “And,” I added, “You will go to nursing school, meet a nice doctor and have a happy life.” Then I left. I threw in that last part about the doctor and a happy life, because I got carried away with my forecasting ability, but thought it couldn’t hurt.

An hour later, I joined the sedate group around the piano. The opera singer had left, and I finally found a conversation worth joining. A woman tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, I was upstairs and saw you reading that young woman’s palm.  I have to know. Are you psychic?” “No,” I replied, “I’m Jewish.” She looked very confused as she left to get another drink.

No one knows what the future will bring, so I recommend that people stay positive, open minded and hopeful. But if you want to guess about the future, remember what Niels Bohr said; “Prediction is very difficult, especially if it’s about the future.” Then there are gems such as:

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” (H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers 1927.)

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” (Decca Records
Company rejecting the Beatles, 1962.)

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” (Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943)
 
“And for the tourist who wants to get away from it all, Safaris in Viet Nam—a popular holiday for the 1960’s” (Newsweek)

Not a psychic in the bunch. Que Sera Sera.

Esther Blumenfeld (“Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.” Grover Cleveland, U.S. President 1905)

WHO DO YOU TRUST?

I have a friend who has been an extremely successful business woman for many years. However, when I recently called her, I was surprised when she told me that she had made a mistake, and felt very naive, because she had trusted the wrong people.
I comforted her by saying, “Hey! You are just like Julius Caesar.  He trusted his pal Brutus. However, you can pull the knife out of your back, and live for another day.”

She said, “Oh, Esther!” That did not stop me!  I replied, “Think of all of those smart people who placed their blind faith, and money, in the hands of a man who had a reputation that inspired nothing but trust.  Bernie Madoff was sent to jail—- when he confessed to a $65 billion Ponzi Scheme.  His investors should have read their coins before sending them to him.”
My friend cheered up a bit when she replied, “Luckily I didn’t lose that kind of money, and my business is still intact.”

So, how does one know who to trust? All of us, at one time or another have placed our trust in the wrong person. In business, a handshake used to be good enough when your word was your bond. Unfortunately, times have changed, and now you need an attorney to read the fine print.

I told my friend that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself. After all, her boo-boo wasn’t as bad as the one by Neville Chamberlin, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (1937-1940) who adopted a policy of appeasement toward Nazi Germany. After a brief visit with Adolph Hitler,
He came home and assured his constituents of “Peace in our time.” Obviously, he had trusted the wrong person, when in less than a year Poland was over-run and it marked the  beginning of World War II.

I guess there are only two reasons not to trust people because either:

 You don’t know them, or
  You know them.

“Fool me once shame on you!  Fool me twice, I should have seen it coming!”

If all else fails, the best advice is written on the small change in your wallet.  Take a look!

Esther Blumenfeld

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Sometimes life is like riding an escalator.  If it works, it’s an easy way to go up and down.  If the escalator is out of order, you either have to take an elevator that stops on every floor—or hoof it.  If you want to go up, you have to make the climb, and that can be tough, but even if you are out of breath, chances are that you are grateful when you finally reach your goal.

Being thankful is not just for Thanksgiving.  Having an attitude of gratitude can be challenging, and it’s too easy to get caught up in a net of negativity— especially in these times. However, Mark Twain suggests, “Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them, the rest of us could not succeed.”

If you can’t think of something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Here are a few suggestions that I came up with.  Maybe you can think of a few more:

 Be thankful for your cat who stares at you, but who never gives unsolicited advice.

2.    Be thankful for friends who take eating as seriously as you do.

3.    Be thankful that no one is  Stuffin a Puffin.

4.    If you like vegetables to balance your diet, be grateful for Pumpkin Pie.

As Reba McEntire reminds us:  “To succeed in life you need three things—-a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.

I am so grateful for all of you.   Hugs, from   Esthe

CLEAN UP YOUR ACT

Recently, I called my cousin who lives in Seattle to wish her a “Happy Holiday.” “Can’t talk now,” was her response. The kids are coming and I’ve just started cleaning the house.” When are they supposed to arrive?” I asked. “Any minute,” she replied. “Housekeeping is just not my thing!”

Before I disconnected the phone, I suggested to my cousin, “Don’t make the house so neat that the kids won’t know where they are.”

I don’t hate housework, but my mind wanders when I am doing chores, and I forget what I’ve already done. For instance, when I put fresh sheets on my bed, I was thinking about the American Constitution.

After washing the sheets, I opened the dryer compartment and noticed black scuffmarks all over the inside drum. There were two possibilities for that phenomenon---either I had trapped a small South Korean rapper doing the Gangnam Macarena in there---or I had dried a pair of slippers with rubber soles. There was no little rapper jumping around in my dryer, so I cursed the shoes as I cleaned the appliance.

Not wanting to be a total nincompoop, I turned on my handy-dandy MacBook (after all it is a “Pro”) and Goggled, “House Cleaning Tips From Heloise.” She was no help at all!

First tip: “Want to clean your refrigerator fast? Unplug it.” Unless someone named, Heloise comes over and helps me move the refrigerator, it’s going to remain plugged in. I think it would have been more helpful had she suggested, “Throw out anything that smells bad and has started growing on its own.”

The next hint was to clean the toaster by removing the crumb tray. It is so much easier to turn it upside down and shake. She probably should have said, “Do not try to remove stuck-on-stuff with a knife while the toaster is still plugged in---unless you want a new hair-do.”

I did like the suggestion about the dishwasher. “Get paper towels to remove shards of glass, bones and other gunk.” My mind began to wonder about people who put bones into their dishwashers. Do you think that’s the way scientists wash  their fossils?

The last suggestion made some sense. ”To conquer kitchen clutter, throw stuff out.” I think that includes husbands and children who want to snack on the party tray before guests arrive.

I quit reading her advice when it came to, “Tackle the toilet.” No way am I going to tackle that thing without a helmet.

Esther Blumenfeld (can a vegan use a feather duster?)

SEVERE CLEAR

When I was a teenager, I frustrated my mother. Sometimes, in desperation, she would admonish, “Why can’t you be more like Elaine? She’s nice to her mother.”
Elaine was the “perfect daughter.” She was tall and beautiful, gentle as a gazelle, soft spoken and her clothes were never wrinkled. I was short and clean, but thought fashion dictated rolled up blue jeans and a white shirt commandeered from my father’s closet.

I was always nice to my mother, but she was raised in Europe, and tried in vain to impose her sensibilities on an American brat. It didn’t work. I was no gazelle. I remember, as a little girl laughing while my mother chased me around the dining room table, with a slipper in her hand, shouting, “Act like a lady!” Irony was not her strong suit.

No one is perfect, and people who look for perfection will always be disappointed. Even the Liberty Bell has a crack in it. I figure that being imperfect is a great skill to develop, because it makes other people feel so much better about themselves.

Perfectionists are difficult to deal with on the job, because people make mistakes. The adage, “It’s not brain surgery” is a good one, unless, of course, you are a brain surgeon. It’s also good to realize that just because someone is perfectly enthusiastic doesn’t mean he’s perfectly competent, but he’s giving it the old college try (whatever that means). Elbert Hubbard said, “To escape criticism—do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”

In pilot talk, “Severe Clear” means the way ahead is clear of foul weather, the air is smooth and visibility is unlimited, but life isn’t like that, and perfectionists who can’t adjust find the way ahead much bumpier than the rest of us do.

People are really only perfect after they die, because no one wants to say anything bad about them. Wilt Chamberlain found the whole subject of perfection very confusing. He said, “They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.”

I admired my friend, Elaine and always wished I could be more like her, but as hard as I tried, I never grew another five inches.

Steven Wright was correct when he said, “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”

Esther Blumenfeld (I tortured three piano teachers before they found out it was imperfect me.)