HIDE THE SWORD WHEN YOU SAY, SUMIMASEN

A friend called and told me, “I feel guilty.” “What do you feel guilty about?” I asked. “I feel guilty, because when I receive all of those stickers from charities, I keep them and don’t send donations.”  

“First of all,” I replied, “you don’t have to pay for something you didn’t order.” But, if you really feel guilty, just put the stickers into the enclosed envelopes and send them back to where they came from.” “I don’t feel that guilty!” she said.

A sheet of stickers sent by a charity costs nine-cents, but research has shown that by sending these “gifts,” donations go way up.

The Japanese word for “Thank you” is “Sumimasen” which means, “This will not end.” When I open my mailbox, I know they are right. It’s all about reciprocity. In its purest sense, reciprocity means, “rewarding a kind action,” but since many people interpret it as an obligation to return a favor, others have found ways to take advantage of the guilt.

A social scientist sent out 600 Holiday Greeting cards to a randomly selected group of strangers. He received 200 responses. Some of the cards even included those printed Holiday letters telling him all about families he had never met. I guess these folks figured, “What the heck, it’s better to send a card, than feel guilty about someone we don’t remember.”

Another experiment showed that if waiters include mints on the check tray, their tips increase, and if a waiter adds extra mints---along with a smile to let that customer know he is special---the tip is even bigger.

Reciprocity becomes uncomfortable when instead of rewarding a kind action; it is converted into an obligation to return a favor. Like Yogi Berra said, “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t go to yours.” And of course, reciprocity can take an ugly twist when returning a “favor” turns into tit for tat.
Reciprocity in friendship is certainly different from mutual dislike---just ask the descendents of the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s.

The author, Alice Thomas Ellis was skeptical of mutual exchange altogether. She said, “There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.”

When my son, Josh was in first grade, a little boy came to our house to play. When he left, one of Josh’s toys was missing. “What do you suppose happened to the toy?” I asked Josh, who nonchalantly replied, “Johnny put it into his pocket.” I called Johnny’s mother, told her the story, and said, “I’m sure Johnny forgot he has it.” “Impossible,” was her reply. “I’ll be right over,” I said. After a short search, we found Josh’s toy. I said to Johnny, “If you want to keep Josh’s toy, you need to give him one of yours.” “I don’t want to” was Johnny’s response---so much for reciprocity. His mother took the toy and told me they were moving to Alabama. I went home and counted the silverware.

Esther Blumenfeld (scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours---OW!)

WINKING WITH BOTH EYES IS A BLINK

When I was a kid, we used to play, “The Staring Game.” It was cheap entertainment. All that’s involved is sitting eyeball to eyeball with a friend, start staring at each other, and the first one to blink loses the game. The only way I could ever win was to cross my eyes, and make the other kid laugh.

Scientists have discovered that the average person blinks 28,800 times a day. I can’t imagine being asked, “What’s your son’s job?” and answering, “He’s a blink counter.” But, it’s a job, and I guess someone’s got to do it.

New research from Osaka University in Japan discovered that blinking might do more than just lubricate the eyes. In fact, it may serve to “momentarily rest the brain, giving the brain a break to wander and go offline.” According to this research, blinking and the brain at rest are related.

I know that life can change in the blink of an eye, but I also know that all the blinks in the world won’t make a boring conversationalist disappear. I’ve tried it. I blink and they still keep on talking.

One valuable bit of information that the blink counters have discovered is that there is a correlation between lying and blinking. Because deception requires intense concentration, liars blink less while telling a fib, and then speed up afterwards. So, if someone says, “Nice to see you,” and then blinks really fast, you know he doesn’t mean it---or has an eyelash in both eyes.

Winking is kind of like blinking only it’s done with one eye. I once knew a girl who had one blue eye and one brown eye. She was an expert winker, but it was quite disconcerting because one time she’d wink blue and the next time she’d wink brown.

I can wink well with my left eye, but have to scrunch my face to wink with the right one. Maybe it has to do with the part of the brain I use for winking, or maybe it’s because I’m just a klutz.

It’s a proven fact that all mothers have eyes in back of their heads. Those eyes are good at the staring game, but I can promise you that they will never blink.

Esther Blumenfeld (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean? Know what I mean?  (Monty Python)

OH, CANADA--PART TWO

DAY 6
The next day, we were taken on a tour to transfer from Lake Louise to Banff which is located in the  heart of Banff National Park.  We arrived late in the day at the world famous 125-year-old Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel which is called Alberta Canada’s,“Castle of the Rockies.
The next day, like Rapunzel, I decided to stay and rest in the “Castle” while Josh and Barbara explored the City.

DAY 7
Then, on the final day in Banff, we took a six-hour sightseeing transfer tour from Banff to Calgary—our final destination. After exploring many places of interest and spending time in Banff for shopping and lunch, our Motor Coach Driver regaled us  with stories.  He told us that, as a child, he always preferred looking out of a window at school rather than doing the class work, whereupon his Mother said, “You’ll never make a living looking out of the window,” which, of course, turned out to be his beloved job.

After a stroll around Bow Falls and then Surprise Corner, the driver took us to the Banff Gondola where we took an 8-minute Gondola ride to the top of Sulphur Mountain for a literally (7,500 feet-high) breath-taking view.  At the top we had a 360-degree view of the townsite and the surrounding mountains.

When we returned to the Motor Coach the driver told us another story about the time he dropped off 40 tourists for a scenic stop.  Suddenly, in his rear-view mirror, he noticed they all had gone the wrong direction. When he got off the Coach, he saw all of his passengers taking pictures while surrounding a very large Grizzly Bear. The Bear moved forward on his haunches and then retreated. He did it again. That is the movement Grizzly Bears make before they attack. The driver ran to his passengers and yelled, “Get on the bus!” which they did as he tried to distract the Bear.  Finally, he ran to the bus, got on and slammed the door shut. That bus still has a paw indentation and Grizzly Bear scratch marks.  Made it just in time!

DAY 8
We arrived at the  Calgary Fairmont Palliser Hotel late in the day—just in time to run into a huge wedding reception in the lobby. In the midst of the bedlam, I was able to get my airline boarding pass for the next morning, and then we ran out of the hotel before our eardrums burst. We found a lovely out-of-door restaurant and then returned to the hotel in time for the wedding.  However, we did not attend since Josh had not packed  his tuxedo.

DAY 9
Early the next morning, I went to the airport and encountered the most stringent Security Check. The Security Lady felt my feet and looked at the bottom of my sneakers, while the Security Guy was playing with my silk nightgown.  OH, CANADA!  All went well, and I got back to Tucson with my nightgown and sneakers intact.  However, I am still doing laundry.

Esther Blumenfeld

OH, CANADA

DAY 1
There are only two things that would get me out of bed on purpose at 2:00 a.m.—a baby feeding, or a 4:00 a.m. limousine pick-up for a flight to Canada.  Since my baby is now fifty-seven years old, it was obviously a ride to the airport.  In the good old days of youth, I could have been up, and about, in forty-five minutes,  but not so much as an old folk.

Not having traveled to a foreign country for a long time (Yes, you need a passport to enter Canada, and Yes, their money is prettier than ours) I was delighted to experience facial recognition technology at my Tucson Airport.  Of course, I had to lower my black mask, so I wouldn’t look like a bank robber.  The flight to Salt Lake City was uneventful, and my final flight to Vancouver left on time. When my taxi arrived at the Fairmont Waterfront Hotel, my son, Josh and daughter-in-law, Barbara were waiting for me, and happily I didn’t have to tip them for handling my luggage.

Day 2
The next day we took a Motor Coach tour of the city.  Vancouver is a beautiful cosmopolitan city with a sophisticated population—35% Chinese—25% Indian, and the food is gourmet all the way.

Day 3
On the third day we had a Motor Coach transfer to the Rocky Mountaineer Train, and began our journey in the “Gold Leaf Section” of the glass domed luxurious train. Settling into my seat was  fun, because I could push lots of buttons including a lower back lumbar adjustment, a foot elevator and, best of all, a heated seat. There was plenty of room under the seat in front of me for my oversized handbag, but, of course, there was no overhead storage since the roof and sides are all glass. Not spending overnight on the train, our luggage was taken to our next destination, and placed in the hotel room before we arrived. Since we were in “Gold Coach” our dining room was just a few steps down, and we were treated to a gourmet breakfast and lunch featuring local ingredients and Canadian wines.

We experienced compelling story telling from the hosts aboard the train, as we viewed the beautiful Canadian Rockies. We passed over rushing rivers, glided through mountain tunnels, and traveled along coastal forests, and the awe-inspiring sky-high mountains.  Photos really can’t do the stunning scenery justice.

Day 4
Arriving late in the day, we settled in for an overnight stop in Kamloops—a popular filming location for hits like; The X-Files and Battlestar Galactica. Kamloops is a rugged place with desert-like environment including Sandstone Canyons, grasslands and Ponderosa Pine.
We woke up early in the morning, and were picked up to once again board the train on our way to Lake Louise.

Days 5 and 6
As I got to my room at the Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise, I opened the curtains and was presented with a stunning view of the  Turquoise waters of Lake Louise, which was surrounded by jagged mountain peaks, miles of wilderness and immense glaciers. The lake comes from the melt waters of glaciers, and “rock flour” (glacial flour)  comprised of finely ground rock particles reflecting  light giving the water it’s unique color. After a hearty breakfast, Josh, Barbara and I took a hike along the lake. Along the way was saw some “Beware the Bears” signs, but all we saw were birds and frisky chipmunks.  Josh and Barbara finished the long trail hike.  I finished the hike in the gift shops of the hotel.

    Esther Blumenfeld        

MORE NEXT WEEK

PARTY! PARTY!

Several years ago, I took a trip to Australia at a time when there was an extremely contentious battle for the United States Presidency.  When an Aussie asked me about the political situation in the United States I would always answer, “I really don’t know.  I am a Canadian.”

In a couple of weeks I will be in Canada taking a trip on the Rocky Mountaineer Train with my son and daughter-in-law, and once again the U.S. is in a heated battle for the Presidency. So what can I say if a Canadian asks me, “What’s going on with your politics in the United States?” I can’t tell him, “I am a Canadian.”  I guess I will have to say, “No Habla Ingles.”

I must admit that, for me, it’s difficult to understand how we, as a Nation, have come to the point where people who don’t agree politically can’t still have amicable political discussions and then agree to disagree—while still remaining friends.

A few weeks ago, I invited my new neighbor and his lady friend to my apartment for some wine and cheese before we went downstairs for dinner at one of the restaurants. I didn’t know him well but was alerted to the fact that he is a Republican…as a matter of fact at one point he had made a run for Governor of Arizona.  I met him at the door and said, “I’ll be your Tip O’Neill if you will be my Ronald Reagan. Laughter brought us together and the three of us are still friends.

Tip O’Neill was the Democratic Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives—a political rival of President Reagan. However, they engaged in a real life friendship, and after disagreeing and fighting about issues everyday, they would still meet at 6:00 p.m. for a drink almost every evening.  Their ideological differences did not interfere with their friendship. They were both men of good intentions who strived everyday for the common good for the people of this  Country.

Tip O’Neill was one of the first people to visit President Reagan in the hospital after he was shot. The Speaker Of the House wept and fell to his knees at his friend’s bedside. He then prayed the words of the 23rd Psalm.

The United States is still a relatively young Country whose people have built a remarkable Democracy with a brilliant Constitution written so very long ago. We still need a strong two-party system with honorable people who truly love this Country and will put the welfare of its people above their own ambitions. Consequently, I have always voted for that kind of person no matter of Party affiliation.  

When I lived in Georgia, I could not vote for a bigot like Lester Maddox, so I voted for the other guy. When Maddox was interviewed by a reporter who asked what should be done about the abysmal conditions of Georgia prisons, Maddox said, “ What we really need is a better class prisoner.”

Abraham Lincoln said it best when he said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

So  what’s it going to be????     Esther Blumenfeld