CHATTER BOX

When the automatic ankle lights on my sidewalk didn’t turn off during daylight, I thought I’d have to call an electrician. Then, my neighbor, the engineer, suggested that the sensor on the light might be burned out. I said, “What sensor?” He instructed me to: “Go outside and look for it.” As I pulled the overgrown ivy, away from one of the ankle lights, that had the hidden sensor, they both magically turned off.

“I did it. I am a genius!” I shouted to myself.  Psychologists describe my outburst as “private speech: language that is spoken out loud but directed to the self.” In other words, I was talking to myself, and as Charles Fernyhough, author of The Voices Within writes: “Self talk allows us to plan what we are going to do, manage our activities and regulate our emotions.”

When someone honks at me because I refuse to turn left at a traffic light, until I see the green arrow, I usually say to myself, “I’m in no hurry. I’m retired, you poor slob!” And, if he persists, I usually mumble more words that are not fit to print. I don’t care, because when people glance over, they assume I am talking on a cell phone, and that I am a perfectly normal human being.

When I talk to myself, I can assure you that I am not suffering from auditory hallucinations. I just don’t mind the sound of my own voice, and when I talk to myself, I can be assured that someone is listening. And, if I make a mistake and say to myself, “Hey! That was really dumb,” my feelings won’t be hurt.

Observing a child at play, one is bound to see the tot engaged in a conversation with himself. When I am alone, I often talk to myself.  How is that any dumber than talking to a cat or dog? When my friend, Perry’s daughter, Rhyann was a very little girl, they had a cat named Gaucho. One day Rhyann asked him, “Daddy, how do you know that Gaucho understands what you are saying?” “Why do you ask that?” said Perry, “Because,” Rhyann answered,“ You are talking English.”

Whenever I am writing, I like to read my words aloud to hear if I am writing in my own voice, and often my words will give me a good laugh. So, like a crazy lady, I am all alone and entertaining myself without an audience.

And, I have to admit that I don’t know if anyone is listening when I pray aloud, but it makes me feel better and sometimes helps me think things through. Henry David Thoreau said, “Thinking is only a process of talking to oneself.”

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t yelled at someone appearing on his television set. Whether you are shouting at a ballplayer, because he fumbled the ball, or telling someone on the news channel that what she has just said is, “really stupid”, you do know that you are really talking to yourself. Those people can’t hear you! And, don’t forget, you can turn them off.

Self talk, whether it’s silent or vocal is comforting, and the experts tell us that it is a healthy way of dealing with life and all of the gobbledygook going on all around us. So have a good conversation with yourself. It might not help, but it can’t hurt.

Esther Blumenfeld (“And I think to myself what a wonderful world.”) sung by Louis Armstrong. Written by Thiele and Weiss.

THE CIRCUS IS COMING TO TOWN

January 20, 2017 marks the opening of the new “Greatest Show On Earth.”

After 146 years in existence, Feld Entertainment has announced that the Ringling Brothers, and Barnum and Bailey Circus will close in May. They can no longer compete with the jugglers, clowns and wild animal acts in the U.S. Congress.

PETA got its way, and the elephants are now taking over the circus.  Hanging onto each other’s tails, they will march in lockstep--- around and around—making circles in the dust around their handlers. The new Ding-a-ling Ring Master, with a trumpet call, plans to surprise his audiences all over the world with his ever-changing acts that will play in portable collapsible tents.

Of course, high operating costs are always a concern for a new business venture (just ask any lying-tamer) so it is inevitable that the price of tickets will go up.

The Ringling Bothers, and Barnum and Bailey Circus survived two World Wars. It affected America’s culture. The new Greatest Show on Earth hopes to have the same impact. When the Circus used to come to town, schools were closed, and all the schoolchildren were standing at the curb watching the entertainers pass them by. The new show can certainly do that!

And, as Congress does their Shutdown Healthcare Act, let’s hope they have a safety net under that high wire.

With all that in mind, remember that the true spirit of the Circus will never die. However, it’s probably a good idea to duck when the political acrobats fly from hand to hand over our heads.

Esther Blumenfeld

AN ALLEGORY FOUND

Last New Year’s Eve, at a get-together with friends, a young man and I engaged in a conversation about books and authors. When I mentioned to him that I had never read books by Anne Rice, or other authors who deal with supernatural mythology, he suggested that I do so, because he found those books entertaining. So, taking the challenge, I read a book by Donna Boyd who created a world of Werewolves who live undetected among us.

The story involved two packs of Shape Shifter Wolves, who can change into human forms at will. One pack of Werewolves enjoyed the company of humans and found them inferior but amusing, while the other pack thought them to be parasites that needed to be exterminated.

The Alpha Male in one of these packs had fur (or hair depending on his form) of a reddish-yellow color, and a business empire that stretched all over the world. He also served in a high position of government, and had an exceedingly large ego. He lived high on the hog (sometimes literally) in a mansion. Since Werewolves considered themselves superior, they took credit for every positive innovation or invention ever created---including the work of Thomas Edison. They blamed the bad stuff, such as wars, on humans.

According to my Google search, in the last century several Werewolf sightings have been recorded, and many of them have taken place in Wisconsin. This is a good time to remind you that the good people of Wisconsin have also brought us bratwurst, cheese, beer and the Green Bay Packers. However, it is also good to note that on November 14, 1908 Joe McCarthy was born to the McCarthy pack in Grand Chute, Wisconsin, and he followed the “humans are parasites” career path.

According to Mr. Google, “The history of the Werewolf has roots in many cultures dating back to ancient times”. One legend is the story of the Spirit God, and Shape Shifter, Wisukachek, and refers to an early Native American tribe in the area now known as Wisconsin. For many years, these stories were thought to be mere legend, until; “In 1936 a string of modern Werewolf sightings changed everything. Where did this take place? In the USA State called Wisconsin.

So, all of this begs the question, Are there Werewolves among us? And, if so, would we ever know? Stephen King writes, “Some Werewolves are hairy on the inside.” That isn’t helpful at all. Was it a hairy inside that really killed Joe McCarthy, or was it excessive alcoholism as the doctors claimed?

Molly Harper sums it up in Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs: “Contrary to popular myth, Werewolves are born. Werewolves are not made. No matter how many times they bite someone, that person will not turn, though they will probably bleed profusely, and will definitely be annoyed.”

As far as I am concerned, “A pox on the Werewolves among us.” We will survive them, because as Michael Gerson writes, “Being an American is to belong to a flawed but wonderful tribe.”

Esther Blumenfeld

IT'S ONLY MONEY

“I’m proud of my gold pocket watch. My Grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.”  Woody Allen.

Twenty years ago, a woman in my neighborhood told me that her father-in-law, a man of enormous wealth, had died at the ripe old age of 103.  His young, devoted granddaughter had become his caregiver during his declining years, and in gratitude, he had bequeathed her all of his millions. This would have afforded her a carefree life of ease and leisure, but there was a caveat in the will. Grandpa had left her a fortune to be collected upon the death of her parents.

Unfortunately, longevity runs in the family.  A couple of years ago, her father died in his late 90’s, and the not-so-young-anymore woman is looking after her little, old Mom, who is as active as the Energizer Bunny.

No longer a spring chicken, the grand daughter is now entering the Social Security zone of life, and by the time she sees any money, she will probably be a spinster on Medicare. A cruel will indeed!  The only saving grace is that as John Dryden said, “All heiresses are beautiful.”

I have met people who look forward to giving money to their children, but only after they die, and then, many times the children enter litigious relationships with each other. Fair enough, since, “We often pay for the mistakes of our ancestors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with.” Don Marquis.

My Mother, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet believe that, “It’s better to give with a warm hand than a cold one.” It’s well known that for some, money is an aphrodisiac. Once, on a cruise, I met a honeymoon couple that had eloped. He was 85, and had married his beautiful 21-year-old manicurist.  I guess that she had given him one heck of a manicure to convince him to marry her, and tell his kids only after they returned home. Surprise!

At the spa, she complained to fellow passengers that she was disappointed that he wasn’t as rich as he had led her to believe, but I guess there was enough money there, because she had him panting after her up and down the stairs. The last time I saw them was when she signed both of them up for a scuba diving adventure ashore.

I know she never heard of Honore Balzac, because she read the same National Enquirer at poolside during the whole trip, but he would have advised, “To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.”

I’m not sure that,” Money is the root of all evil,” because I think that where, when and how you plant those roots makes all the difference. Of course Gregory Nunn said, “If you really want to know what your friends think of you, die broke, and then see who shows up for the funeral.”

Esther Blumenfeld (“Die and endow a college or a cat.”) Alexander Pope