UNREACHABLE TRUTH

My friend Jean says, “life is ridiculous!” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle would have advised her to “abandon the search for truth; settle for a good fantasy.” I have always thought that reality and fantasy are two sides of the same coin.

When my son, Josh was four-years-old, he wanted to fly. He convinced himself that if he flapped his arms fast enough he could soar above the clouds. I told him to keep trying, but the rule was that he had to keep his feet on terra firma, and was not allowed to go onto the garage roof. After several attempts, gravity finally won out, and he stopped the arm flapping. However, when he grew up, he earned his pilot’s license and realized his dream.

JM Barrie was right. “The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.” The writers of science fiction entertain us with their imaginations. Past fantasies such as rocket ships flying to the moon and other planets have become reality, although we have yet to encounter little green men. Why are they always green? Transplanting organs, co-existing with robots and having a conversation with your wristwatch---all come from the imaginations of science fiction writers.

Fairy tales gave us fantasies such as beautiful faces forever frozen in youth. Now the poison Botox does it for us. In a fairy tale, a princess can kiss a frog and get a prince. In reality some women kiss a prince and end up with a frog. In real life,

When my brother, David was eleven-years-old, we attended a family celebration at the home of our grandparents. Our grandfather was having such a good time that he quaffed several glasses of wine, and my little brother enjoyed drinking the left-over ambrosia from other guests cups. Suddenly, my grandmother discovered her tipsy husband and grandson, and banished them both outside to take a long walk around the block. Grandpa protested that it wasn’t the wine that had affected them, but that old Mrs. Finkelstein had given them the “evil eye.”

Sometimes you just don’t like someone else’s reality. That’s why Pablo Picasso rationalized that “everything you can imagine is real.” After all, weren’t those angular, many-faceted forms and planes the essence of women?

There has to be a healthy balance between reality and fantasy. A magician knows the difference. If he really sawed a woman in half, he’d have a one-act very messy career, and a very memorable lawsuit.  Albert Einstein said it best; “Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.”

Esther Blumenfeld (“Reality leaves a lot to the imagination”) John Lennon

YOU CAN DO THIS

 
“We appreciate your patience. All lines are still in use. Please stay on the line, and your call will be answered in the order it was placed.”

As Winston Churchill said “If you’re going through hell, keep going! And, listening to bad music on a speaker phone line for 40 minutes is certainly mini-hell.

Life is filled with obstacles, but how you deal with them makes a difference. Yes, I was annoyed, but after shouting obscenities at my landline such as, “If you were a Smart Phone you wouldn’t do this to me!” I realized that I was accomplishing nothing. I needed to calm down.I needed to; “Be like a duck. Be calm on the surface, and paddle like hell underneath.”

So, instead of hitting my head against the wall, I adjusted my attitude, hung up the receiver, and dialed the number again.  Miracle of miracles, lickity split I was connected immediately, and a nice live person answered my question.

Overcoming challenges is something everyone must deal with. Life is filled with bumps, and I was told that, “How you deal with them allows you to grow.” I don’t think he meant grey hair.
Victor Borge said, “Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.” Not much comfort in that!

How many times have I said to myself, “This is impossible! I just can’t do it!” But when I haven’t given up, sometimes, I muddle through and say, “I did it!” “It wasn’t really that bad after all.”

Dolly Parton said it best; “A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey!”

At those times no matter how hard life seems, keep on keeping on, and always “give 100% unless you are giving blood.”  (Bill Murray)

Esther Blumenfeld

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NIGHT AND DAY

I love the morning air, unless I am in rush hour traffic. Morning is my favorite time of day. However, in the summer, I wish it would arrive a few hours later.

Being a morning person is a great advantage when living in the Arizona dry desert climate, because if it’s 75 degrees at 5:00 a.m., it will be 30 degrees hotter at noon. So that’s why I try to beat the sunrise and walk my two miles in the mountains very early. At 6:00 a.m. I know I am awake, because my bed is made and I’m not in it.

Ellen Goodman said, “Most people do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience---unless they are still up.” She must have been a night person. My friend, and former co-author, Lynne is a night person. She does her most creative work long after mid-night. Whenever we would have an early morning business meeting, she would accuse me of being “perky.” She hated perky. What can you expect from a person who keeps the same hours as owls, crickets, frogs and wolves?

The only time I could fake being a night person was when I visited my son in New York City. The three-hour time difference traveling east made me look good. At 2:00 a.m. his friends would say, “It’s amazing that your mom can party so late.” He never told them that it took me a week to recuperate when the hours were reversed after returning home. The only good thing about being a night person is that if you go to bed at 4:00 a.m., you only have to brush your teeth once.

Yes, in the summer I get going extremely early, and by 3:00 p.m. I have already been up for 10 hours. Then it is well–advised to take a nap. Even the hyperactive Martha Stewart catnaps now and then, but she says that she thinks while napping, so not to waste any time. Sometimes when I am baking, I think I also catnap, because I forget there’s a cake in the oven---but then I am no Martha Stewart.

I credit my napping ability to my Kindergarten teacher, because on my report card she wrote, “Esther is a bad rester.” She probably needed a nap. In those days, I didn’t enjoy that activity, so I scooted my nap rug next to my little boyfriend and bothered him. If it’s any consolation, I took her admonition to heart, a couple of years ago. However, I do take credit for encouraging her poetic skills---limited as they were.

So the moral of this tale is that if you are a day person you can take a nap, but if you are a night person, you can’t take a nap because people will think you are going to sleep.

Esther Blumenfeld (“A day without sunshine is like; you know, night.”) Steve Martin

STARTING OVER

There’s an old Chinese proverb that says, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” It means that beginnings aren’t easy, and that every journey in life has to start somewhere. I don’t know where the expression, “new beginnings” comes from, because I have never experienced an old beginning.

You can put the past behind you, but as far as I know, you can’t put it ahead of you, because then you won’t know if you are coming or going. Usually a beginning comes after something ends.

When New Year’s Eve rolls around, people drink toasts to the end of the old year--- and then they toast in the new. Often, they resolve to do something better than they did the year before. However, after all of those toasts, the next day usually begins with something such as “Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Starting anew is an adventure. A baby gets the courage to take that first step when he gets bored with just crawling around. Beginnings present challenges—some are exciting and some downright scary, but dancing backwards through life just doesn’t work unless you have eyes in back of your head.

Some beginnings come from a decision to end something else---or fate makes the decision for us. When a door closes, you can’t open it again. You only think you can with selective memory. When someone says, “I miss the good old days,” I usually reply, “So you miss the Black Plague and the Inquisition?”

Sally Ber said, “The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” Of course with some people the problem arises that they have to take themselves along for the ride.

All I know is that if you wait for the perfect moment, you’ll never get started---you’ll never begin—and if you don’t begin, you’ll never get to where you need to go. Just ask any crawling baby.

Esther Blumenfeld (Inertia is a non starter)

WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN ANYWAY?

When I was a little girl, my mother read me the grim story of Hansel and Gretel written by brothers of the same name, except theirs had an extra “m,” because there were two of them. She read me that story several times in order to warn me not to wander off or talk to strangers.

Today, I do tend to wander about, but never “off.”  However, talking to strangers is one of my favorite activities, since they are often a source for humorous material. Also, I remember that The Lone Ranger was a stranger who used to ride into town when no one else had a good story to tell. Of course, I am rather selective about the people with whom I engage in conversation, and judiciously avoid old crones who live in sugar candy cottages in the middle of a scary forest.

People are only strangers until you talk to them. My mother-in-law had a friend who sat next to a young woman at O’Hare Airport in Chicago. While waiting for their plane, they began to chat, and my mother-in-law’s friend took a liking to the personable young woman. As, she prepared to board the plane, she said to her new friend, “My son lives in Chicago. Would it be okay, if I gave him your telephone number?” “Sure,” said the young woman, and my mother-in-law’s friend turned a stranger into her daughter-in-law, and they resumed their conversation for 40 more years.

I used to volunteer for a worthy organization, and my duties included sitting at the front desk, greeting people, and entering data on a computer. One day, a man came into the office. He was early for his appointment. As he sat down, he said, “How’s that computer working out for you?” “It’s great!” I responded, “When it works. When it doesn’t work, it’s not so great.”

At that, this stranger proceeded to relate a story, which I am happy to share with you now:

He said, “I have a friend, who had a problem with her computer, so she telephoned for technical help. When the computer technician started to explain how my friend should repair the problem, she didn’t understand his instructions at all, so she said, “Wait a minute. My five-year-old son is really good with computers. Let me put him on the phone with you”---which she promptly did.

The five year-old easily understood what the instructor was telling him, and followed his directions step by step. The little fellow had no problem at all, until the technician said, “Now, press the Command Key with your right hand.” “Okay! Okay! Okay!” said the child, and then he shouted---“Mommy, Mommy, which one’s my right hand?”

I don’t think my stranger was the Lone Ranger, but he sure rode into town with a good story.

Esther Blumenfeld (Hi-yo Silver Away!)