UP YOUR CHARISMA

When you walk into a room does the conversation continue as if nothing significant has happened? Does the waiter skip you when passing around drinks? And when making introductions, does the hostess always go blank when she come to your face? If you answered “Yes,” to one or all of these questions, you’ve definitely got a problem. It’s high time to up your charisma.

Charisma is that special quality that commands attention as you enter a room, that magnetism that screams out, “Here I am—-captivating, electrifying, scintillating—ME!” Some people, of course, are born with it. Some people are definitely hopeless. The great un-charismatic mass in the middle can be taught.

There are four elements of charisma: attitude, speech, body language and friends. The Charisma Makeover is quite complicated, but the first rule is to think positively. Dejected thoughts produce poor posture. You cannot project animal magnetism while slouching. Eye contact is also important. There is nothing more disconcerting at a soiree than talking with someone whose eyes keep glancing over your shoulder. The solution is to only talk to short people. Back a short person into the wall, stand close and keep nodding. You are assured of undivided attention.

Subtle allure is an effective charismatic style involving the adroit use of body language. Alluring persons never scratch, sneeze or mention bunions. To draw people to you magnetically, the best way is to sit down, sigh, and put your head between your knees. If no one notices this tactic, sit back and slowly begin to undress. If no one is still drawn to you, you might want to look around for a short person.

There are two philosophies of Friend Selection among charisma educators today. The first school subscribes to the notion of surrounding yourself with other shining stars, known as Gilt by Association. Or, try  the Agnes Gooch Theory: Pick a mousy friend and you’ll fairly glow by comparison. Of course there is a drawback here: Your audience must be able to tell which one of you is Agnes.

Here are a few more Do’s and Don’ts:

Do dress for success. If you can’t dress for success, at least dress for trying.
Do lean forward when talking to people, but beware that nothing personal falls out.
Do spend five minutes each day in front of a mirror practicing your sincere smile. Then for three minutes a day work on the Empathetic Nod, the Knowing Glance and the versatile Wink-And-Grin.
Don’t start a conversation with: “How long have you worn dentures?”
Don’t talk about these three taboo subjects: odor-eaters, leg waxing, or bald spots.

Finally, if all else fails, become filthy rich. Then you won’t have to learn charisma, you can just buy it.

Esther Blumenfeld (Based on an article in ATLANTA WOMAN MAGAZINE, Feb. 1984, Blumenfeld and Alpern) c. Blumenfeld

MENTAL BLOCKADES

When my Father was 90-years-old, he telephoned me and said, “Something terrible has happened to me today.” Alarmed, I said, “Dad, what’s wrong?” He said, “I couldn’t remember someone’s name.” I told him that forgetting a person’s name happens to me all of the time, but that offered him no comfort at all, because he replied, “That does not happen to me!”

I have a visual memory, and I have discovered that when I write a name on a sheet of paper, I can recall that particular piece of paper with the name written on it. However, when a stranger tells me his name, it usually enters one ear and exits out of the other one immediately—-especially when there are several other people involved in conversation in the room.

There are many memory tricks that experts advise: “Repeat the person’s name as soon as you hear it.” That’s good advice, if you remember it that long. Another suggestion is: “Use association.” Associate that name with something familiar. Shakespeare might help. In Romeo and Juliet he wrote,”What’s in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would small as sweet.” That’s okay unless you meet someone named, “Daisy,” and you call her “Rose.” Of course, Juliet mused that if only Romeo’s last name wasn’t Montague their lives would be less poisonous.

Because I have a friendly nature and generally find people interesting, I tend to meet new folks every day. It is not only flattering, but also polite, to remember their names. I recently developed a friendship with a smart, talented woman who has a great sense of humor. I like people who laugh at my jokes! Her name is Gail. At the outset, in order to remember her name, I associated it with a former neighbor who was also named, Gail. However, she was such a trouble maker that her name should have been spelled, Gale!

What is really embarrassing is when you forget the name of a good friend. It usually happens when you want to introduce her and say, “This is my dear friend____?” At that point, you must not exclaim, “Oh, Sh—t!” because that is definitely not her name.

Sometimes, it helps me to work backwards by thinking of the last name first, such as “Dickens.” What the dickens was his first name? Oh, Yes! Charles. My consolation is that I always recall a name. However, it is most disconcerting when that particular name wakes me up in the middle of the night. Usually, that is the name of a famous person that I will forget immediately when I wake up the next morning.

In the cartoon, PEARLS BEFORE SWINE, the little pig character asks the cartoonist for the name of a street. The cartoonist replies, “Gosh, I can’t believe that i can’t think of it. Guess I’m having a bit of a mental block.” Whereupon, the little pig replies, “Yours are more like mental blockades—-“

While taking my morning walk,, I met a young woman who was walking her very nice, big dog. I remember that she had a German accent and told me that her name was “Greta.” Or, was that the name of the dog? Life can be so complicated!

Esther Blumenfeld (“Names are a way to keep people in your mind.”) Maggie Stiefvater

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL

Last week, when I glanced at the Sports Page in the ARIZONA DAILY STAR, I was compelled to read an article about the Arizona Wildcats Basketball team, and their upcoming exhibition game in Spain. What drew me in was the article’s headline; “Trip not about whether Cats
reign in Spain.” Headline writing can’t get much better than that!

Of course, some nincompoop will write a letter to the editor complaining that the writer misspelled “reign.” If there was ever a photo, on the Sports Page, of a politician holding a big fish, I’d write a header announcing; “Everyone’s got an angle.”

The second story on the Sports Page had this headline; “Day after win, Cards hunting for their rally cat.” Could not believe my luck reading two such clever headers. The story was about baseball, and that a stray cat had run onto the outfield at Busch Stadium, as the Cardinal bases were loaded. There were two outs and it was the 6th inning. Kansas City was leading 5-4 at the time. The game was delayed for a couple of minutes until a groundsman caught the cat. After play resumed, a grand slam was hit and the Cardinals won the game. Unfortunately a fan ran away with the cat.

On the editorial page, I enjoyed the headline that read, “Trump and Kim are bullies with bad hair.”  I know that President Trump's sport is golf.  I don’t play golf, but I do know that golfers respect the game, play by the rules, are courteous and take care of the course.  Kind of like what it takes to be President.

I just hope that Trump understands golf terminology.  I am sure that he knows the difference between an Approach Shot and an Explosion Shot, because if he doesn’t, it could ruin a game for the other players. Surely, he knows what a Bare Lie is, and how to keep Boundaries.
Well, if it’s any consolation there’s always—The Bunker.

Esther Blumenfeld  (A hole in one should be in a very small hole)

NOT ROCKET SCIENCE

As I get older, I have learned that it is probably futile to try to make sense out of the nonsensical. For instance twice a year, my automobile insurance company rewards me with a $25.00 check for my good driving record. As a matter of fact, this month my reward was raised to $27.00.  All was copacetic until I received the bill for my yearly premium.

My insurance company had raised the price, and now I have to pay $120.77 more than I did last year. So, after I deduct my yearly $54.00 reward for good driving, I still have to pay $66.77 more in 2018 than I did in 2017. Consequently, I called my personable insurance agent and asked, “Why, with my excellent driving record, did the company raise my premium $120.77?”
She replied, “Because you had a birthday.” “I had a birthday last year,” I said, “And they didn’t sock it to me then.” “Well,” she replied, “If, you are still driving in five years, the company will raise your rate again. They figure that as people get older, they are more accident prone because their reflexes slow down.”

So, then, I said, “That’s age discrimination!” Sympathetically, she replied, “You are right, but all automobile insurance companies do that.” Feeling dejected, after my go around with my nice insurance agent, I decided to go to Trader Joe’s. That place never fails to cheer me up, and sure enough, I saw a sign that advertised, “Grass fed hotdogs.” I assume that hotdogs are now the new Miracle Grow for starving grass. Will wonders never cease?

When I got home (sans hotdogs) my mailman delivered a letter from my Homeowners Insurance Company. It began, “Thank you for being a loyal customer. We’re happy to have you with us. Your bill should arrive in a couple of weeks.” That was the good news. The kicker came on the third page.

“You may have noticed (you bet I did!) that we have increased your Dwelling Protection Coverage.” It’s called a Protection Insurance Adjustment (PIA) which “reflects changes in construction costs in your area.”

Wow!  The estimated replacement cost of my home has gone up $12.00. No, I won’t call my insurance agent. She’s nice, but there’s even a limit to niceness. I would have asked my son, Josh about the nonsensical premise of this raise in premium, but the last time I asked him his opinion on an issue like this, he kindly said, “Mom, too bad it’s not rocket science, because that’s what I do.”

I recently read a mystery book by Rex Stout called, SECOND CONFESSION. The book was just okay, but one line was memorable when the detective, Nero Wolfe, said, “You suffer from mental astigmatism.” I wish I had said that first.

Esther Blumenfeld

BLOODIED AND BOWED

I was glad to read that after 11 days, Anthony Scaramucci, the President’s Communication Director , Favorite Bully and Master of Profanity is no longer in a position to play Trump’s, Game of Thorns. Scaramucci obviously had viewed his job as having the enjoyable duty to stick it to people whom the President wanted to eliminate. Anthony will not even garner a footnote in history after his inauspicious verbal poke at those in power.

When I was a very little girl, my Father warned me about the power of words—that, “Words have meaning and weight, and everything that you say, and  everything that you do, affects other people.”

I adapted this lesson to write the following conversation between “Papa” and “Rachel” in my play, UNDER MIDWESTERN STARS (Kansas City Repertory Theatre, 2003) and it went like this:

    Rachel

It’s a good lesson Papa. I know that Patrick Murphy is going to watch his words from now on.

    Papa

What are you talking about? Who is Patrick Murphy?

    Rachel

He’s a new boy at school. He is in the fourth grade, and his Daddy works at the Army, Air Force Base, and I don’t like him at all.

    Papa

Rachel. He is much older than you. Did this boy bother you?

    Rachel

He called me a dirty German! I told him that I am not dirty, and that I am an American, and I closed my eyes, and I swung my fist, and I hit him on his nose, and he bled all over his shirt. Papa, I have never seen so much blood.

    Papa

Rachel! You were in a fist fight?

    Rachel

No, Papa! It was no fight. He cried and ran away.

    Papa

Perhaps you should ask for his forgiveness for making him bleed. Give it some thought.

    Rachel

I never saw Patrick Murphy again. I was sorry that I made him bleed, but I am not sorry that I hit him. I am an American girl!

Patrick Murphy was my first experience with a bully. As I grew up, I learned to use my words to call out bullies, and I have discovered that not only are bullies cowards, but they have no sense of humor—especially about themselves. That is why ridicule works!
A bully wants attention, wants his victim to act hurt or upset, and he wants a fight, but mostly not a physical confrontation.

Happily in our great Democracy, besides having a free press, we also have a host of professional comedians, who can push back in the one way that bullies cannot stand—nor effectively defend themselves.

Of course, when confronted with a bully, a person can take the high ground. As Michelle Obama said, “When they go low, we go high.” However, once in awhile, a metaphoric bloody nose really does give one pleasure.

Esther Blumenfeld (“The big drum beats fast, but does not realize it’s hollowness”) Melay Proverb