Good Deeds And Other Punishing Behavior

I don’t encourage drop-ins. I do not visit with people without calling them first, so consequently, if someone unexpectedly rings my doorbell, I rarely open the door. Without fail, surprise visitors usually come by when I’m in the midst of a writing project, or if I’ve just stepped out of the shower. I feel no obligation to accommodate them.

However, last night, a neighbor frantically pounded on the door, rang the bell and yoo-hooed the owls out of the trees. Against my better judgment, thinking that it must be an emergency, I opened the door. As I stood there in my, “Women are from Venus” nightshirt, with shower hair and no makeup, she said, “Your hair looks great, my phone is out of order, and I have to call my daughter to tell her I am okay. Can I use your phone?” She is one of my nicer neighbors, and since it was a semi-emergency I let her in.

She made a quick call and was on her way toward a quick exit. As I opened the door, a little Chinese boy wearing a plaintive look and Boy Scout uniform greeted us both. He looked at her, unfurled a long order list and said,” “Would you like to buy some caramel corn for my troop?” Whereupon, my neighbor pointed at me and said, “I think you want her.” And then she left, and I was stuck with the little salesman.

New neighbors moved across the street a few weeks ago, and their little boy is Chinese. I thought little Michael looked taller than I remembered him, but a uniform can make any little man look bigger. He seemed a bit confused when I said, “Michael, if you promise not to bring any of that caramel corn to my house, I will give you a check for your troop.” Notwithstanding, he happily took my check, as his beautiful Chinese mother materialized and thanked me. When they left, I remembered that Michael’s mother is not Chinese.

So, I let my neighbor in to make a phone call. That call cost me $15.00 (standing at the front door in my nightshirt) for the Boy Scouts of America, and I do not know why those strangers came all the way from China to ring my bell. I am never opening my front door again!

Esther Blumenfeld (digging a moat)