"We Are Not Amused" (Elizabeth II)

God had better save the Queen of England, because I’m not sure who else will step up with $83 million to fully repair the “crumbling” Royal palace. Hemophilia ran in the Royal Romanoff family of Russia, but the folks at Buckingham Palace seem to hemorrhage money. You’d think they were a bunch of American yuppies the way they have piddled away their savings from $58 million to a measly $1.6 million.

Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle are in such bad shape that employees are using buckets to catch water from leaking roofs. No doubt about it, the household must get a firm grip on cost cutting measures as well as their umbrellas.

In the last five years, the English government cut their spending by 33%. The Royals slashed their spending by 5%. They got $51.4 million from taxpayers, but spent $55.2 million, so they had to dip into most of their savings. I don’t know where they cut their budget, but in 1987 Queen Elizabeth did say, “I never see any home cooking---all I get is the fancy stuff.”

Elizabeth I, who came to the throne in 1558, inherited a realm afflicted with debt. Even though her father, Henry VIII saved money by not paying alimony, he had a bad credit rating among European money lenders, because of his habit of collecting all the silver and gold paid to him as loans, mixing them with alloy, and paying out a quarter of what he received by reducing the value of the coins. The cagey King made Bernie Madoff look good in comparison.

Besides a massive debt, Elizabeth I inherited an untidy mess of religious intrigue and war. No wonder she tore out her hair and wore a wig.

I recently read that Queen Elizabeth II has decided to gradually hand over royal duties to Prince Charles. He said, “Sure, Mummy. Now that I am 65-years-old, and the roof is leaking, you’ve decided to hand the whole mess over to me. Thanks a bunch!”

Esther Blumenfeld (“I have to be seen to be believed.”) Queen Elizabeth II