LANGUAGE TIGHTROPE

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it!”  Conon O’Brien

Recently, scientists at the University of Maryland have expounded on the Gala Hypothesis, first articulated by scientists in the 1970’s; that Mother Earth is a living, breathing organism that needs life sustaining conditions for its survival. When a politician says, “I’m not a scientist,” I believe him. It’s the---“but”---that follows this statement that makes me queasy.

Whether it’s called “climate change” or “climate disruption,” something is obviously happening out there.  I know that cold is cold and hot is hot, but sometimes we don’t know what we’ve got. Some people are trying to help and/or find out.

The Japanese have pledged $450 million in aid to Pacific Island nations that are battling rising sea levels, and Brazil and Germany have co-funded a $9 billion, 1,000 foot Amazonian Tall Tower Observatory located in the largest contiguous rain forest on Earth. It will enable scientists to monitor temperature, green-gas levels and other chemical changes in Mother Earth’s atmosphere. I imagine that some of our politicians will blow it off as just another Tower of Babel.

So how are our politicians handling the problem? In 2000, White House official, Philip Cooney removed or altered climate research findings in several federal reports. In 2012, the North Carolina legislature voted that sea level predictions be ignored for future planning. And, Virginia lawmakers voted to only approve a study of the risks to their coastline if it did not mention “Climate Change.”

In Florida, storms and rising sea levels have allowed salt water to seep inland threatening the Everglades as well as Florida’s potable water. Scientists have warned that without action Joshua Tree National Park could soon lose its trees, and Glacier National Park could be a park without glaciers.

Consequently, governor Rick Scott of Florida, who famously said, “I’m not a scientist,” banned state employees from using the terms, “Global Warming,” or “Climate Change” in any reports or communications. Wisconsin, Governor Scott Walker, followed suite, banning staffers who manage thousands of acres of forest to talk about “Global Warming.”  Grand Haven, Michigan, Mayor Geri McCaleb, a skeptic of “Climate Change,” said, “History will bear out who has the right answers.”

So, with few answers, coupled with a basic mistrust of science, and the Federal Government, some of our politicians are pushed into a world of euphemisms that, as George Carlin said, “are commonly used by Americans to shade the truth or shield themselves from reality.” While “The Blob,” washes ashore on California beaches, killing thousands of seabirds and sea pups, I take inspiration from Pat McGinnis, City Manger of Grand Haven, Michigan, who instead of saying the dreaded words uses the euphemism, “Potential Flash Point.” 

Assuming that The Gala Hypothesis is correct, and that Mother Earth needs life sustaining conditions for her survival, I won’t scare people by writing about “Climate Change.” Instead, I suggest that Mother Earth is going through “The Change.” She is certainly old enough for Menopause. People all over the world can attest to the fact that climate has been irregular from month to month, and 75% of Arizonans admit that Mother Earth is having hot flashes. 

There is no denying that Mother Earth is having stormy mood swings that cause volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, and tornadoes. And while she has night sweats, and kicks off the covers of snow and ice, she also has oceans of rising emotions. In other places, she is bone-dry getting wrinkled fields of crop loss, and probably some hare loss along the way. No doubt about it, Mother Earth is going through “The Change”, and it isn’t pretty. A shot of sulfur might help, but I’m no scientist.

All I know is that the apple from “The Tree Of Knowledge” is still missing.

Esther Blumenfeld (“What good is it to have a nice house without a decent planet to put it on?”) Henry David Thoreau.