HELLO EARTH (Part One)

When we returned to the University, W.S. and a few of his friends were facing the dreaded dissertation defense.

“It means,” W.S. explained to his mother on the telephone, “that professors ask me questions about my research, and if they like my answers, I graduate. Then Dr. Seltzer and I will leave campus hand in hand.  If they don’t approve my work, I guess I’ll just have to jump on the moving van and retire to Florida with him.”

Everyone was tense. Barry was studying, so Brenda was on her own. She decided to wash their kitchen ceiling, but got tired half way through, and washed the floor instead.

Some oily rags caught fire in a bucket at Rocky and Velma’s place, and the neighbors called the fire department. The newspaper article called it, “spontaneous combustion.” Velma blamed the fire on Professor Bodkin, because Rocky was so hot under the collar over all of the last minute changes the nitpicker had required.

Snarky hung a sausage on a hook, which discolored his kitchen door. And, horror of horrors, he got stuck with a flat tire---his date---not his car.

W.S. miraculously passed scientific German. I think the teacher gave him a hearty “Aufwiedersehen” with the stipulation that, scientific or not, he never come near the German language again. On the morning of the meeting with his committee of four professors, I fixed W.S. a hearty breakfast, and before he left the apartment, he managed to throw up the most important meal of the day.

At noon, he telephoned, “I passed!” Before getting too excited, I said, ”Does that mean you passed the exam or you passed out?” “I passed the exam,” he shouted. “As soon as I decide on a job, we’re out of here.” Then he added, “I was so excited that I invited them to our apartment for drinks tomorrow, and they’re all coming.” “Who do you mean by ‘all’?”’ I asked. “The four professors and their wive.

He was so excited that I didn’t mention that a blizzard was predicted for the weekend, and the weekend began tomorrow. When I hung up the phone, I called Velma. She and Rocky had passed their exams and were already packing. “Hello,” she growled into the telephone.

 “W.S. passed his exam, which is the good news,” I said. “But he invited his committee and their wives to our apartment for drinks tomorrow night. Will you two please come? I need the moral support.”  “Sure,” she said, “But Professor Bodkin gave Rocky an ulcer. The doctor put him on a bland diet.”

“I’ll fix him a tasteless tray of snacks, and, if you want to sit down, bring your own chairs.” (To be continued---)

Esther Blumenfeld, CROSSING WITH THE BLUE LIGHT, Blumenfeld c. 2006