SORRY ABOUT THAT

When I was a little girl, my nemesis, LuAnn Perinood, bit me on the arm. I went home crying, and my Uncle Harry roared, “I’m going to kill her!” Eventually, I forgave LuAnn, but I never quite forgave my Uncle Harry for not carrying out his promise. He shouldn’t have said he was going to kill her, if he wasn’t going to do it.

Some people have a problem with saying, “I’m sorry.” I don’t understand that. If I’ve done something to be sorry about, I own up to it. Of course, “Sorry!” isn’t enough. For instance, if you step on a friend’s glass eye, you should offer to pay for it---or at least help him put it back in.

If you have offered a genuine apology, the other person should accept it, unless it’s something like eloping with your best friend’s fiancée. “I’m sorry,” might not sound sincere in that case.  Wait a few years.

Of course, there are some people who like their anger, and don’t have the capacity for forgiveness. Anne Lamott said, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”

If your child spills his drink on your sofa and says, “I’m sorry,” don’t yell at him. Just pretend that he is company and say, “Don’t worry about it.” Accidents happen. That’s why they are called “accidents,” not “on purposes.” And, by the way, what makes company more precious than your child?  But I digress.

 Forgiveness is really a liberating emotion. A woman came to her rabbi and told him, “I have held a grudge against my sister for 20 years.” The rabbi, said, “If I dropped a hot coal into your hand, what would you do?” She said, “I’d drop it.” “It’s time,” he replied, “to do that with your grudge.”

My gift is that I can’t stay angry with anyone.  It’s simply too exhausting. I have learned, “Don’t let anyone live rent-free in your head.”

The best advice I ever received about forgiveness is this: “Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.”

That’s comforting!

Esther Blumenfeld