THE NUMBERS GAME

When I tell people that I am 81-years-old, they seem surprised  and say, “You don’t look 81.” So, what does 81 look like? I have no idea. I’ve never done this before. However, after lifting a heavy bucket filled with soapy water, and getting a several-day back spasm, I can absolutely tell you what 81 feels like.  

Yes, I now realize that I can’t run around carrying heavy buckets of water anymore, because my back is saying, “What in the world were you thinking?” The answer is, “I wasn’t.” Consequently, I have proven that mind over matter doesn’t always matter, because I thought I still had the back that I had back when—-or is it back then?

Anyway, stuck at home accompanied by heavy duty ibuprofen, a back patch and an ice pack, I managed to catch up on reading that I had saved for a rainy day.

The first article I pulled out of my, “To Read” folder, was titled, “It’s Mathematically Impossible To Beat Aging.” How appropriate! The article reminded me that aging is a natural part of life, no matter how good you look, and that attempts to stop the process won’t work.

Scientists at the University of Arizona published the results of a study in the Proceedings of the National  Academy of Sciences. The article says that it is impossible to halt aging in multicellular organisms. The next time someone asks me about my religion I will now say, “I am a practicing multicellular organism.”

 So, what’s the problem? As we get older, some of our cells get sluggish, and don’t function as well as they used to. The example given in the article I was reading was, “Hair cells stop making pigment.” As a multicellular organism, that’s really not a big problem. If you can lift the bucket, you can always pour some Clairol over your head.

But, there’s always the person who wants the impossible. In order to defy gravity, she wants  to swallow a rope, then, ask her doctor to tie it to her innards, and, then, ask her doctor to pull that rope out of the top of her head—- lifting the whole enchilada—- so she can look like a kid again. Looking tighter is always an option, but a 90-year-old will never be High School Homecoming Queen again.

That is really okay. As my friend, Fay says, “Attitude is everything!” And, I’d like to add, “Especially, if you have a good one”.

Esther Blumenfeld (Staying away from heavy buckets of water.  Pass me a glass of wine.)