ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST has always been one of my favorite fairy tales. So, when I read the excellent reviews of the new movie, I decided to treat myself to a morning of enchantment. Wanting to avoid crowds of children, I decided to attend the first showing of the movie on a Thursday morning when the kids were still in school.

The early show started at 9:45 a.m., so I got there at 9:15, when the gate to the lobby was supposed to open. Not only was I the first person in line (or for you New Yorkers: ”on line”) I was the only person lined up. Consequently, the ushers (who never usher anywhere) ignored me and spent the next 15 minutes moving rope posts into different configurations to form aisles leading to the ticket takers. Ironically, I didn’t need a roped off aisle, because I was still the only customer when the gate to the theatre lobby was finally opened.

Ignoring the disapproval of the post movers, I ducked under the rope that led immediately to the ticket seller. Pointing to a large map, the seller said, “Pick your seat.” “What do you mean?” I asked. He said, “This show is in the Extreme Digital Cinema, so you have to pick a seat.” I said, 
“What if I don’t want to pick a seat until I get into the theatre?” “Pick one!” he ordered. So, I picked a seat and paid the extra money for extreme viewing.

The up escalator was out of order, so I said to an usher, “Why don’t you reverse the down escalator to up?” He replied, “Because it would throw everything off.”  That is why he is an usher and not a brain surgeon.  So, I walked up the 3 flights of steps from the lobby to the Cinema Section. The good thing was that they didn’t charge extra for the heart stress test.  Huffing and puffing, I went to the concession area, and asked for a courtesy cup of water with ice.

Walking into the Extreme Digital Cinema Theatre was my second breath-taking experience. It was huge with hundreds of seats. I found my seat #14 in row H in the upper level. When I sat down, the rear part of my seat swooped back into an extreme reclining position, and  I yelled, “Whoops!” as the ice from my drink spilled down the front of my blouse.

Since my seat was now all wet, and the ticket seller and his freaking seat map were downstairs in the lobby, I went up to seat #14 in row J. Finally, settling down, I looked around and realized that I was the only person in the whole theatre. However, I did turn off my phone when the voice coming from the screen boomed out that I should do so. The sound is also extremely extreme in that Digital Cinema. Then, I removed my hearing aids just in time for the coming attractions which posed no attraction  for me at all.

Finally, the beautiful film commenced, and I was treated to a private showing of the magical Disney version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. It was an uplifting experience, until I stood up and my seat ( #14 in upper level row J) sprang forward and spilled the rest of my ice water into my purse.

The down escalator worked just fine.  I love a happy ending.

Esther Blumenfeld