TELEMEDICINE: THE ULTIMATE REALITY SHOW

Walmart is giving their employees a—WHAT A DEAL! Their workers can now see a doctor for only $4.00. The catch is that the physician will be a “virtual health care provider,” (Definition of “virtual” by Merriam-Webster,”being simulated”; Oxford Dictionary, “almost or nearly but not completely,”; Cambridge Dictionary, “Can be seen by computer, therefore won’t have to go anywhere.”)

In other words, if you have a rash on your derriere, you can turn on your computer, and hear, “The Doctor will be with you shortly.” Then you can wait until Dr. Google appears, smiles and tells you to “lower your britches, and put your tuchas against the screen.” He will then make his subjective judgment remotely, and he may be remotely right or remotely wrong, but chances are that you will never see him again. I am guessing that $4.00 gives you a one time visit, and that a follow-up may cost a bit coin more.

To their dismay, employers are finding out that most of their workers are less than enthusiastic about being diagnosed and treated on a screen by a tiny person wearing a white coat.

Personally, I like to study medical diplomas hanging on my doctor’s wall, and having a one-on-one face time discussion, in an office, with a professional, whose hand I can shake—-unless he’s a proctologist. And I want a doctor who views me as a patient, has a record of my medical history,  and with whom I can have a long-term relationship.

In case of an emergency, or if you are really sick, do you really want to trust a doctor who costs less than a cup of coffee at Starbucks.  At $4.00 a visit, I am sure that he will pay off his student loan at Flinkus Medical and Bible School on his 130th birthday.

And, what if your computer gets hacked by some guy in Nigeria, who then blackmails you by threatening to send your derriere photos to everyone on your virtual season greeting cards? A smiley photo is nice, but it should be from the right end.

Wishing you good health,

Esther Blumenfeld