JUST FOLLOW DIRECTIONS

“If everything else fails, read the instructions.”

El control automatico---
Le controle de contre-jour automatique---
Dank der automatischen gegenlichtkorrektur---
If this doesn’t work, you might try to decipher the little Chinese illustrations.

Nowadays, most instructions involve something very technical. “Those parts of the system that you can’t hit with a hammer (not advised) are called ‘hardware’; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called, ‘software.”’

Frank Tyger said, “Discoveries are often made by not following instructions; by going off the main road; by trying the untried.

My husband, W.S. enjoyed sports, but he absolutely abhorred parlor games. When we lived in Chicago, we were invited to a dinner party. W.S. was enjoying friendly banter with a fellow sports enthusiast, when the hostess announced, “We are going to play a game.”  Ignoring the groans, she proceeded to throw magazines on the floor. Then she pointed at W.S. and said, “You’re It!  Go outside, and I will call you back after I have given everyone instructions.” He left the apartment.

After giving us directions, the hostess threw open the door and shouted, “You can come back now.” Everyone looked expectantly at the door. “Where did he go?” the hostess asked me. I started to pick up the magazines and said, “Well, it can’t be far. He left a hostage.” She didn’t laugh, and said, “Drop those magazines.” She said, “Does anyone else want to be IT?” No one else was even making eye contact. Since game instructions were now wasted, she announced, “Dinner is served,” whereupon W.S. opened the door and moseyed back into the room.

“Where did you go?” asked our frustrated hostess. “Well,” he replied, “You instructed me to go outside, so I went down the block and had a beer.” The hostess gave me a pitying look that reminded me of when Garrison Keillor said, “Some people would not be smart enough to pour piss out of their boots, if the instructions were written on the sole.”

Esther Blumenfeld (Sometimes the lesson comes from the journey not the destination.)

CROSSING WITH THE BLUE LIGHT, Blumenfeld c. 2006