UNEXPECTED QUESTIONS

A few weeks ago, I was invited to give a humorous talk about my 50-year career as a journalist, author,  teacher  and playwright, and I tried to cover it in about 40 minutes. After the talk, I was prepared to answer questions about the topic, until someone threw me the unexpected, “ Who’s your favorite author?”

Immediately, I wanted to say, “Who cares?” but all I could think of was Frances Hodgson Burnett who wrote the children’s book, THE SECRET GARDEN. Next time that happens, I will be prepared to answer, “Moses! He had a very good editor.” Sometimes unexpected questions can throw you for a loop.

Living in a Senior Residence I have learned that you should never ask someone, “How are you?” because they just might tell you. When someone asks me that question, I always say, “I am doing just fine.” However, recently when I developed a dry cough, “of unknown origin,” I told someone that after taking cough suppressant I was feeling much better. At that, a man who overheard our conversation bragged, “I had one of those (if it was of “unknown origin” how did he know?) “and my doctor gave me 3 pills, and I was cured in 3 days.”  I looked at him and said, “That’s great, but those 3 pills turned your hair white.”  

My computer asks me all kinds of questions such as; “Wouldn’t you prefer to get this information on your computer rather than by mail?” My answer is always, “NO!” because I love it when people think enough of me to send a letter. Computers are supposed to save paper. Not with me they don’t. I like printed evidence in case I am ever questioned by the FBI.

When someone asks an inappropriate question it has been suggested to say, “Why are you asking?” I don’t like that answer, because it calls for an explanation—then what?
“Mind your own business” is rather rude and not effective, because some people are convinced that your  business IS their business.

The question that annoys me the most is “How much money did you earn from your plays and books?” For some reason, people think that’s an okay question to ask a writer. I used to say, “Enough.” But, now I answer, “A lot!” Then, when someone says, “How much is “A lot?” I can answer,“More than enough.”

If you called your attorney and asked her, “How much did you earn this year?” She would charge you a billable hour for the call, and maybe sue you for invasion of privacy.

Some of my favorite questions and answers are:  

“What are you doing?” “I’m in the middle of writing a story.” “Oh,Good. then I haven’t interrupted anything important.”   AND—-

When the lady upstairs sees an ambulance outside, she will call and say, “Just to let you know, it isn’t us. Who is it?” “Well, good to know it isn’t you, Dear Lady.”

With me you can ask, but you won’t always receive.”

Esther Blumenfeld