CAVEAT EMPTOR

In the aftermath of the Trump Senatorial Trial, I realized that there seems to be a disclaimer to almost everything in life.

For instance; to paraphrase Mitch McConnell he said something like, “Yes, Trump is a scumbag and guilty of everything he is charged with, but I won’t vote to punish him, because I’m sure that down the road someone else will get him.”

And, then there was the somewhere-local legislator who said about one of his State Senators, “We didn’t send him to Washington to do the right thing. We didn’t send him there to vote his conscience.” That proves the disclaimer that, “Any resemblance to actual people living or dead or events past, present or future is purely coincidental.” With some people it is obvious that “Some assembly is required,” and their “batteries are not included.” Of course when it comes to some politicians it is also good to be forewarned, “May contain nuts.”

When I was a teenager, I mouthed off, as teenagers are wont to do, and I can remember my mother chasing me around the dining room table brandishing her bedroom slipper, and shouting, “Act like a lady!” To this day, I believe that sassing one’s parent should be, “Void where prohibited.”

As I grow older, I am often told, “Age is just a number.” What they don’t say is, “Actual mileage may vary” or  “Warranty does not cover an act of God.”

Almost all products touted in television ads have disclaimers, but they are shown  at the bottom of the screen, in a few seconds, in teeny-weeny print so you won’t know, “ This product is not authorized for use by anyone, for anyone. One size does not fit all, and you are using this product at your own risk. So, change the channel before you get a rash.”

Even the sacred wedding vows have a disclaimer. “You have to be good in sickness and in health until one of you departs.”  Of course, in a Jewish ceremony you can always, “Break glass in case of emergency.”  And, on the honeymoon, “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”

One of my favorite legal disclaimers supposedly appeared at the end of an episode of THE SIMPSONS. “No dogs were harmed during the production of this episode. A cat threw up and somebody shot a duck, but that’s it.”

Esther Blumenfeld (“Please remain seated until the web page has come to a complete stop.”