LOOK WHO'S TALKING

When I was sequestered in my apartment during the pandemic year, I had many illuminating conversations with myself. The upside is that I tended to win most of the arguments. Even though I was relatively sane, I also talked to inanimate objects. For instance, when I found my misplaced cell phone in the pantry, I said, “What are you doing in here?” However, even though it’s a phone, it didn’t answer me.

I must admit that at times I also shouted at my television set. Not really!  However, I screamed at the news pundits appearing on my television set. They never yelled back at me, but sometimes the TV set did rebel.  On occasion it would go to a black screen and challenge me to go to a different “TV input.” That wasn’t one bit calming!

Now, that I have had my Moderna shots, I am free to don my mask and  get out and about. Happily, I can talk to anyone within listening distance. When I entered Walgreens for the first time I gleefully cried out, “I am back! It’s the first time I have been here in a year.” The clerk hid under the counter and whispered, “We missed you.” I think she was just being kind, because I had never seen her before. The fellow at Ace Hardware was more sincere when he handed me a toilet plunger and said, “Welcome back!”

When I entered the grocery store I felt as if I was entering Tiffany’s. Although I had always appreciated the grocery home delivery service, it felt good not having to tip myself. For a year, once a week, I drove my car for twenty minutes to exercise the battery, but I never went anywhere except back home. I always apologized to my little Saturn. It got even with me by killing the battery.

For several months, until the beauty shop in my residence re-opened, I cut my own hair. When my son Josh saw me on Face Time he said, “Mom, you are looking more and more like the Beatles.” And, I hoped it was more like Paul than John.

During the  pandemic, it was a great consolation to be able to take walks around the beautiful property, and I enjoyed joining some other early bird walkers, but we all wore masks and stayed 6 ft. apart from each other, so most of the conversations were a muffled, “What did you say?”  It was exhausting.  I did enjoy when I walked by myself and  could talk to an occasional deer, rabbit or road runner on the path.  The coyotes never stopped long enough to even look at me as dinner. However, it was disconcerting when two big, long tusked javelina ambled toward me. When I shouted at them, they ignored me and kept on coming until they reached their familiar path, looked at me with great distain, and walked away.

Slowly, things are starting to return to normal and I am able to have dinner with friends who live in the residence.  All of us have had our shots and the atmosphere is relatively normal. The only problem that presents itself is that now my conversations include more people than myself. So, I’d better develop some engaging conversation, and learn not to interrupt myself while talking.

Esther Blumenfeld