PINOCCHIO HAS IT BY A NOSE

“The only people who get mad at you for speaking the truth are those living a lie.”

Attention! Unqualified post election ballot counters in Maricopa County, AZ have brought bamboo eating rats into the Coliseum to sniff if there is bamboo in 40,000 ballots that are suspect as having been brought to Arizona from China. High resolution cameras are supposed to help the rats find traces of all that bamboo.  In the meantime, the rat population has doubled but they have not chewed on any of the ballots.

My favorite game is Team Trivia because it is fact driven and tests memory as well as the ability to reason and ferret out the truth.  Denying the truth does not change the facts. Goebbels, the chief propagandist for Hitler in World War II said that if you repeat a lie long enough people will believe it. However, history has shown us that, “The truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t going away.”

NOW! Here are some statements from me to you. Are they true or false?  Would I lie to you?

Bats turn right when they leave a cave.  FALSE! They always turn left. I don’t know why but they must be flying with the green arrow.

It takes a sloth two weeks to digest his food.  TRUE! That’s easy. Sloths are slow and lazy and don’t have incisors, so it probably takes them at least a week to chew all those leaves and twigs before smacking their lips. They would probably enjoy a cup of coffee.

Australia’s oldest living man (111 years old) claims his longevity is because he eats chicken brains.  TRUE! No twigs and leaves for him before he smacks those lips.

To vaccinate more Americans against Covid-19 officials are offering a give-away of donuts. TRUE! It give Americans the choice of dying from Covid or developing Diabetes.

Apes can’t laugh. FALSE! Apes laugh when they are tickled. That’s why they don’t laugh very much. However, I do know a brilliant scientist who has worked with Apes. Unfortunately, she lost a  bit of a finger, but I am not sure whether she was tickling him at the time.

If an airplane oxygen mask drops down you should sanitize the mask before slapping it on the face of the kid sitting next to you. FALSE! You should wipe the kid’s nose first.

A Neurologist from Mayo Clinic agrees that because of the Pandemic lots of people have forgotten to drive and have to regain their skills. TRUE! That good, Huh? Boy are we in trouble!

Congressman Matt Gaetz admitted that he was “naughty.” TRUE! He should probably be sent to his room without his pacifier for a permanent time out.

The problem with denying the truth is that the facts just don’t change. Man did walk on the moon, and Elvis is still dead! And, Yes, no matter how much I stomp on my scale, it tells me that I still haven’t lost all those pandemic pounds.  The truth may set me free but first it will really tick me off!

Esther Blumenfeld