GETTING RENEWED

I rarely promise anything. However, I can promise that you will never hear someone say, “Oh, I just love to go to the DMV” (Department of Motor Vehicles.) Unfortunately, two years had passed since I last renewed my Vehicle Registration, and my little old Saturn needed an equipment inspection and emissions test before I could get my paperwork. Consequently, I unearthed and charged up my old GPS system to direct me to the facility. I know how to get there, but during the Pandemic, I had paid someone to run the gauntlet for me, and in two years some road topography had changed. Maybe not so much the roads, but many familiar landmarks were gone.

The facility opened at 8 a.m, so I left my apartment at 7:30 a.m. Reaching a big intersection,  I quickly realized that I was not in one of the three left-turn lanes, so I drove straight ahead and made a U-turn. Suddenly, two police cars—sirens blaring— roared up behind me. “Oh, My God!” had I made an illegal u-turn? I had visions of landing in jail instead of the DMV. The police raced past me, and I made my right turn. Now I was in the correct lane to make another right . A cultured voice from my ancient GPS said, “In a quarter mile, make a right turn at Pantano, the street I needed. However, the street split—one side going up a bridge over the street, and the other side making a right turn on Pantano.

I turned right at the stoplight. It wasn’t Pantano. Sooo—I made another U-turn.  This time it was illegal, but by now jail didn’t look so bad after all. Finally, I made the correct turn and drove several miles  until the cultured lady told me to turn right at the DMV sign. No problem! I had arrived and, miracle of miracles, I was ten minutes early. I pulled to the front of the entrance of the inspection gates. I was first in line! The gates were still blocked by a heavy metal chain, but it wasn’t time to open yet. I began to read my newspaper when I heard a tapping on the car window. I rolled it down, and a man said, “We aren’t lining up at the front of the building anymore. You have to line up at the back to get to the front. I drove around the building and saw a line of at least 25 cars ahead of me. They were lined up all the way into a busy street where once more I had to make a U-turn in order to get into line.

By now the outside temperature had turned to an uncomfortable 85 degrees. The line moved slowly and when I pulled close enough to see the entrance, I noticed that there were four examining stations, but only two of them were open. By now there were at least 20 cars lined up behind me. At that, I suddenly realized that the DMV would suck at least an hour out of my life! Two lines were formed, and I decided not to pull up behind the house trailer. Observing other drivers sitting in line was as much fun as attending a funeral. Then I saw a flashing sign offering a $1000.00 bonus for anyone signing up at the DMV. It didn’t say you had to work there. I was tempted,  but two other inspectors had arrived and the other two lanes opened up. I only waited twenty-five minutes more and arrived first in line.

The young inspector told me to get out of my car and stand in the shade. He didn’t have to ask me twice. I leapt out of the car clutching my $12.25 fee. I was so eager to pull out the money that I ripped the $10 bill in half. Pathetically,  I handed him two singles, a quarter and two halves of a $10.00 bill. A new experience for him. My little, old Saturn passed the test easily, and then I drove to another building to apply for my vehicle registration. I only stood in line for 10 minutes and all went well. The drive home was uneventful without even one U-turn.

Now I am waiting for someone to say,  “See you soon. I’m making a quick trip to the DMV.”


Esther Blumenfeld