PARTY TIME

Parties can be a mixed bag of nuts including the guests. Sometimes things go as planned. Sometimes---NOT!

When my son, Josh was in second grade, he brought home a birthday party invitation from a classmate named Helga. Her father was a visiting professor from Germany, and her mother was obviously a very formal lady, who had ordered engraved invitations for the entire class. Josh was on time for the party, and I noticed tables set with linen and formal ware, when I walked him to the door. Two hours later, when I picked him up, he came running out of the house with his arms laden with boxes. “So, how was the party?” I asked.  “Best party ever,” he replied. “No one came but me, so I had two pieces of cake, and won all the prizes.” From Josh’s viewpoint, the party was a huge success.

However, at the next gathering he was hit in the head with a stick, when the blindfolded birthday boy missed the piñata. Even though Josh was awarded extra candy and an ice bag, he didn’t think that was as much fun.

I have given parties when some guests arrived early, some late and some never showed up. One couple arrived at our front door a day early, took one look at me in my robe and slippers and said, “This must not be the night.”

I have been to parties where the hostess arrives late, but attended one event where the hostess never showed up. The most memorable party I attended was held in a mansion in Chicago, where I left doggy doo footprints on their plush white carpeting. That was one heck of a grand entrance. The butler cleaned off my shoes. I threw them away when I got home. They should have had smaller dogs.

The worst get-together I ever attended was when my husband and I arrived at his bosses’ home, and either the boss had forgotten to tell his wife we were coming, or they had locked horns right before we got there, because she only came out of the kitchen once, slammed a thermos of coffee, and a coffeecake, (still in the box) on the table, and left. Never saw her again.

I won’t tell you about the time my mother wrapped a leftover sardine around a piece of lettuce in her centerpiece, and my grandmother picked it up, took a bite out of it, and shouted, “Stop eating! The food is poisoned.”

Esther Blumenfeld (Surprise! The hostess is selling Tupperware.)