FIND THE IDIOMS

So many times in life something happens  unexpectedly, and you are caught completely unaware.  In one of the preview productions of the musical “Hello  Dolly,” the star, Bette Midler messed up a line three times.  She turned to the audience and said, “What do you want from me? I’m old,” and then went back into character.

The theatre stage is often a place where an actor is caught off guard. For instance, in one Broadway production, the sound technician pushed the wrong button, and in the middle of an actors speech, the stage telephone began to ring. The actor stopped talking, picked up the phone receiver, handed it to his fellow actor and said, “It’s for you!”

When my brother, David was on a cruise he attended the Passenger Talent Show. A fellow passenger came onto the stage and belted out the song, “If Ever I Should Leave You,” and like a bolt out of the blue, he dropped dead.  As the curtain was rapidly pulled shut, the audience applauded thinking it was part of the show.

On a different cruise, I also attended a Passenger Talent Show where an inebriated woman got on stage and began to sing, the Sinatra favorite, “I’ll Have It My Way.”  The ship staff was caught by surprise when she refused to stop singing, and they had to chase her around the stage to force an exit.  I think that helped end Passenger Talent Shows.

For a period of time, my son, Josh was a stage actor in New York.  I attended almost all of his plays, but missed the one where he played a notorious villain. After the play run ended, he came to visit me, and to my astonishment, after his, “Hi, Mom!” He said, “I need to go and have the stitches removed from my arm.” Incredulously,  I said, “What happened?”  At that, he told me that the on-stage battle involved a fake switch-blade knife. The blade was fake, but the decorative piece of metal made the knife look real, and in the play’s fight that metal part cut him. He was very proud when he told me that his blood matched the fake stage blood perfectly, and added, “When I got to the hospital, the doctors came to see the fake scar on my face because it looked so real.”  

My son also took flying lessons. When I asked him “How are the lessons going?” You could have knocked me over with a feather when he replied, “Great!” “But, I have to perfect my landings.”

Some of the unexpected is jaw dropping such as a few days ago when I decided to treat myself to breakfast with friends.  I arrived first and a waiter carrying a pot of coffee approached my table. It was his first day on the job. He reached for my cup, picked it up and blew into it.
Astonished, I said, “Did you just blow into my cup?” and he said, “”Yes, there was something in it.”  Whereupon I said, “Do not blow into people’s cups!” “Get me a new one!”— which he did.  He put my former cup on another table.

The unexpected can knock your socks off—or not—such as the time my husband, Warren was invited to give a speech in the ballroom of a large convention hall. A humongous folding screen had been set up  behind him, in order to block the view of the kitchen. As he began his talk, the screen collapsed and hit the floor like a bomb.  He did not turn around, but said to the audience, “I think I am having a religious experience.”

My mother-in-law used to say, “Live long enough and you’ll see everything!” She was right.
Yesterday, someone said to me, “ Esther, you have such a sweet disposition— just like my dog named, Esther. She died last month.” For all of my life, I have never been compared to a dead dog. However, I  found out that, Esther the dog, and I really did have something in common. Neither one of us has ever bitten anyone.       
Esther Blumenfeld