At The Monster Ball

After hiking for several miles in the mountains, I came home, flopped down on the sofa, turned on my television set, and promptly fell asleep---only to be rudely awakened by the dance pop performer, Lady Gaga on her “Monster Ball” tour. I opened my eyes just as Audrey from the Little Shop of Horrors ate her costume. 

Undaunted, the blonde 25-year-old shot electric sparks out of her bosoms---both of them---and the audience at Madison Square Garden ate it up. Lady Gaga then did a lot of growling, shouting and screaming, before she and her boy dance troop greeted onlookers with a bit of on stage crotch grabbing.  I don’t know why they can’t shake hands like everyone else. 

I blinked twice before another costume was yanked off of Lady Gaga, and saw either stage blood or spilled tomato juice all over her belly. The singer then lay down on the stage with her leg up in the air, and belted out another song, as she bounced up and down simulating sex with one of the gyrating dancers. After the simulation, she leapt up and ordered the audience to “jump”. Everyone did and it looked a lot like an old Jane Fonda exercise video. I doubt if Lady Gaga felt the burn, because now she was wearing tin foil.

Once more, someone unwrapped her and revealed a see-through concoction held together with band-aids.  Maybe she had scratched herself with those long black fingernails.  

The young woman has lots of energy and jumps extremely well as she belts out those loud and angry songs. I suddenly became nostalgic for Madonna---the singer---not the holy one. Madonna is equally outrageous but does it with a sense of humor. Anyway, I think she’s funny. Maybe Lady Gaga is so upset because her feet hurt. When I was a kid, I used to clomp around the backyard on wooden stilts. She uses them for shoes. 

Lady Gaga’s excuse for her mystifying behavior is:

            “I’m beautiful in my way. I’m on the right track, baby. I was born this way. I was born to be brave.” 

Well, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, I believe you. You definitely were born to be brave. 

Esther Blumenfeld (missing The Beatles)