Pass The Popcorn

When I was a little girl, Saturday mornings at the movies were reserved for the kids. Tickets were cheap, and it gave parents a safe place to dump their children for a couple of hours. The movies featured young actors who could cure any problem by saying, “Let’s put on a show!” or a heroic collie, who would always rescue something---anything--- including a drowning turtle. After the main feature, we were treated to violent cartoons. 

I heard very little of the dialogue in those movies, because the audience screamed throughout the show, and I spent much of the time ducking flying popcorn and spitballs. But I guess it was great fun because I kept going back for more of the same. 

When I was a teenager, I would visit my grandparents in Buffalo, New York and they would treat me to German language matinees. This was a moving experience because my Grandfather could never find a seat that suited him. We would find a seat, sit down, listen to Grandpa grumble, and then stand up, step on some people’s feet and begin the search all over again. I never saw any of the movies. That was okay with me, because I couldn’t understand them anyway. However, I did learn some choice German expressions from the audience. 

Now that I am a grown-up, I love going to the movies by myself. I can pick what I want to see, go when I want to go, and sit where I want to sit.  Movies are a delicious escape from reality. Anyway, they should be. I once went to a matinee and was the only person in the theatre. When two women walked into the theatre, I told them, “This is a private showing.” They turned around and started to leave. It almost worked. Turns out that they were nice, quiet women and we all enjoyed the show. However, sometimes even the best picture attracts the worst audience.  So, after the blaring “Coming Attractions” I will remove the Kleenex from my ears and offer some rules for the boors among us: 

l. Action does not mean kicking the back of my seat.

2. Sound mixing does not mean you can keep saying, “What did he say?” during the movie.

3. Music should come from the sound speakers not from your cell phone.

4. Live Action does not mean you should comb your long hair and hang it over the seat and into my lap. If I wanted a blanket, I would have brought one.

5. A Short subject is not your big toe sticking into my face over the back of my seat.

6. Snack means popcorn or candy, not a garlic and onion sandwich hauled out of your purse. 

 All these things make me zusammenzucken. 

Esther Blumenfeld (Grandpa was right!)