Rank Then File

Late last night, after I pulled my car into the garage, I grabbed an armload of newspapers and dumped them into the recyclable can---along with my car keys. Not planning to drive anywhere until the next morning, I decided to leave the keys filed where I had tossed them. Just like “Extreme Sports,” this is an example of “Extreme Filing!”

Everyone has his own filing system. Margo Kaufman reminds us that, “one person’s mess is another person’s filing system.” A sure way to find what you are looking for is to make 26 copies of everything you type, and then file one copy under each letter of the alphabet.

My husband, who never trusted anyone who had a clean desk, always made 10 copies of everything, and then filed them on the floor---but only after his desks, chairs, and exercise machine could hold no more paper. He claimed he knew where everything was---as long as I didn’t move a thing. I didn’t care as long as I knew he was somewhere behind that mountain of paper.

Filing takes organization. That’s the hard part. A friend and I were recently asked to pull some information out of some files that had been re-organized by a departed member of an association. She had efficiently labeled the files and then disposed of much of the needed information. I finally understood Hercule Poirot when he said, “Touch Nothing!”  That is especially easy to do when pertinent information has been filed under---“ wastebasket.”

I try to keep my papers in reasonable order, but sometimes it is impossible. That is when I use file folders labeled, “Other,” “Miscellaneous,” and “Stuff.” Works for me!

I once had a summer factory job substituting for office workers when they went on vacation. One assignment was to stand for 8 hours at a table filing orders into the “In” or “Out” baskets. The room was dingy, dusty and dark (alliteration being the best part of the job). After the 6^th hour, I didn’t care whether orders were “In” or “Out” as long as they were filed. The factory workers went on strike the next day, and I was hesitant to cross the picket line, until one worker called out, ”It’s okay, Girlie. No one wants your job.” Neither did I, but I needed the money. Happily, the boss put me behind a typewriter where I could mess up sitting down.

Some people file everything on their computers. That is okay, unless they die taking their passwords with them to the “Great Beyond.”

Everyone is required to file tax returns. When frustrated, I always recall that Albert Einstein said, “This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher.”

My friend, Sally just tosses her papers into a big box, hands the mess to her accountant and says something such as, ”This is really going to make your day. File away, Old Chum!” Her accountant must be a philosopher.

Esther Blumenfeld (File and print!)