Forbidden Ferrets

Starting today, Arizonans face about 250 new legislative mandates.

I’m a very reasonable person. When a warning on a bottle says, “Poison!” I know not to drink the stuff, and when I see a sign that says, “Beware, Quicksand!” I figure that’s not the best place for a stroll. However, 250 new laws seem a bit overwhelming---especially when they have been written by a group of exceedingly underwhelming legislators.

There is no way that I can remember 250 new rules, but two of them stuck with me; “Ferrets will be forbidden in restaurants as service animals.”  However, as far as I know, there is no law that says that the chef can’t fricassee one of them.

Also, the law that originally exempted “idiots and lunatics from jury service” has now been changed to more socially acceptable language. That, of course, prevents lunatics from having a jury of their peers.

Wallace Stegner said, “It’s the beginning of wisdom when you recognize that the best you can do is choose which rules you can’t live by, and it’s persistent and aggravated imbecility to pretend you can live without any.”

I once drove in Tijuana, Mexico when the city lost its electricity. There were no operating traffic lights, and that led to drivers ending up in the center of an intersection honking at each other. I learned several Spanish words I had never heard before.

Some laws are sensible and necessary. Don’t wait for an accident to learn the rules of the road. It also helps if you know the difference between the gas pedal and the brake. There are so many “Don’ts” in this life. I must admit that I have ignored some of them.

When a park bench has a sign that says, “Wet Paint. Do Not Touch!” I can’t resist checking it out with the tip of my index finger, but I don’t sit on the bench. I’m naturally skeptical---not senile.

When a soldier on the Wall of China, put his hand in front of my face and shouted, “No photos!” I snapped one after he left. I don’t like being yelled at in any language. Of course, I did the same thing in Ireland, when soldiers, carrying machine guns, jumped out of a truck yelling, “No pictures!” They were collecting store bank deposits while keeping watch for the IRA. How did they know that this tourist spoke English? Got a great photo.

Henry David Thoreau said, “Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.” In Australia, there were signs on the beach, “No Swimming! Alligators!  Not wanting to end up as Alligator fodder, I followed that rule, but plenty of locals did not. They didn’t seem to care if their children played in the surf. Must have had lots of children to spare.

A sign that never makes sense to me is, “Out of Order. Do not use!”

Larry Flynt, no paragon of virtue, did however; say something that makes sense, “Majority rule only works if you consider individual rights. Because you can’t have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.” In other words, decrees aren’t necessarily sacred, but principles are.

Esther Blumenfeld (“The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly”) Abraham Lincoln