A TAIL OF TWO DOGS

I like dogs, but I’ve never lived with one. Happily, I’m in the enviable position of having a relationship with two beautiful, intelligent mutts. I can play with them, and then, like a doting grandparent, send them home with their human families.

First, let me introduce you to Dulce. Like her Spanish name, this sophisticated lady is as sweet as a pound of caramel candy. I enjoy taking walks with Dulce and her human friend, Perry. Of course, Perry thinks he is the boss in this relationship, but my observation of their interaction tells me he is delusional. For instance, Perry told me that, “For the best seat in the house, I have to move the dog.” And, Perry can never trust Dulce to guard a pastrami sandwich.

Dulce and I have a ritual that at the end of our walks, we will shake paw (hers) to hand (mine), and then she will jump on Perry. Being jumped on by Dulce is like having a 45-pound suitcase hurled at you off the carousel at the airport—and if she has run through wet grass---it’s like a 45-pound WET suitcase.

Dulce has a sweet disposition, and I have never seen her stop to conduct a major business transaction. She conducts those in the privacy of her backyard. When a grown man has to pick up dog poop, you know who’s in charge. I rest my case.

Now, let me introduce you to Zoe. Zoe lives in another city, and since her adoptive parents are my cousins, I guess she’s kind of a member of my family. Zoe could be Dulce’s little sister. Are all mutts caramel color? In order to discover her heritage, a DNA test would have to be administered, but I swear that when she stretches out on the ground, she resembles a balloon critter that clowns create at kids’ parties. So, I know she’s part balloon.

Zoe rarely barks, but when she does so, everyone has to play the guessing game, “What the heck is she barking at?” As a matter of fact, Dulce is also not big on barking, unless Perry is sleeping. Then Dulce wants to remind him that she’s the boss.

When I first met Zoe, she did a little wiggle dance, and her tail wasn’t just wagging, it was rotating, and it never slowed down. I am convinced that she is not only part balloon, but also part helicopter. It warmed my heart, when she followed me about, and snuggled next to me on the sofa, and became my best friend. I was so flattered that Zoe loved me---until I discovered that Zoe loves everybody!

Taking Zoe for a walk is a happening. Obviously, the entire neighborhood belongs to her. She sniffs out every nook and cranny and gleefully marks her territory along the way---turning the walk into a stop and go adventure. At one stop, a man asked, “Is that a cat in a dog suit?” Zoe would have licked him to death, had I allowed it.

So, what happens at feeding time? Every morning, Dulce escorts the family cat to the kitchen and watches the cat eat some of her dog food. I’ve never seen the cat, because it goes into hiding after the daily theft. Dulce is obviously good at sharing.

However, Zoe inhales her food in less than 30 seconds. She licks the bowl clean, and to paraphrase Oliver Twist, she always looks around and disgustedly seems to wonder, “Is that it?” Of course, with both dogs, no one ever has to pick food up off the floor.

Alone at home seems to be more of an adventure for Dulce than for Zoe. Zoe will delicately gather her family’s slippers and socks, pile them on the sofa, near the front window, and keep watch until they return.

Dulce will do something unexpected such as the day she ate Perry’s girlfriend’s bathing suit, and she didn’t even share it with the cat.

Esther Blumenfeld (“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.”) Samuel Butler