I AM WHAT I AM WHAT?

I AM WHAT I AM WHAT?

“Forget about grammar and think about potatoes.” (Gertrude Stein)

A fair warning;  this story is not for children—nor English teachers—because it deals with breaking the rules.

When my good friend, Paula, a former English teacher called and commented upon my misuse of the hallowed comma, little did she know that she had thrown down the gauntlet—a challenge that I will now gladly address.

First of all, long ago, in a place far-far away, I had to learn the rules before I ventured to break them. By now, some of you have come to the rightful conclusion that much of what I write is also meant to be read aloud. That’s why several people have often told me, “I can hear your voice,” and they claimed that they were sober when they said it. That is the reason, I often stop readers along the way, because even if they are in the hurry, I want them to pause.

But (starting a sentence with a conjunction as William Faulkner frequently did) my run-on sentences are not as plentiful as were those by Charles Dickens:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. “ (A TALE OF TWO CITIES).   No! He was not paid by the word. His publisher paid him upon book sales.

Jane Austen was an expert in redundancy, and often she used double negatives:

“She owned that, considering everything, she was not absolutely without inclination for the party. (from Emma).

And, stepping away from literature for a moment, there’s the heated dispute about the Oxford Comma.  Here’s an example: 

(Without) “I would like to thank my mother, Queen Elizabeth and God.”  (With) “ I would like to thank my mother, Queen Elizabeth, and God.”

A missing Oxford comma gained international notoriety, when, the Oakhurst Dairy in Maine had to settle a lawsuit over an overtime dispute and pay $5 million to their drivers, because the missing comma created enough uncertainty that the U.S.Court of Appeals for the First Circuit granted the claim that four years of overtime pay had been denied.

The poet, ee cummings had his own way of dealing with the conundrum by eliminating grammar completely:

“it’s spring

    and

the

      goat-footed

    balloonMan whistles 

far

                       and

wee”

H.L. Mencken wasn’t the only author who didn’t finish his sentences. Other classic authors also used choppy paragraph fragments for dramatic affect to create an effect.

And, (remember Faulkner) William Shakespeare, The Bard himself, frequently ended a sentence with a preposition. Look it up!

Obviously, grammar is of value, but, in my not so humble opinion, not when it’s not. That’s when it’s best to think about potatoes. “Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose” 

“It is what it is.”

Esther Blumenfeld