EVERYTHING IS AN ADVENTURE

When moving into a newly built building everything in an apartment is brand new, and just waiting to be tested out by those moving in. Sometimes this can prove to be quite an adventure.

My new neighbor and friend, Roxanne was waiting for the elevator to take her to her apartment, when a maintenance man joined her for the ride up.  He said, “Is your toilet flushing properly now?” “Yes,” she replied. “But I have a very strange problem with the shower in my second bathroom. It has no hot water. There’s hot water in the other bathroom shower, and in both bathroom sinks, but none in that bathroom shower.” He said, “You are right. This is unusual, I’ll come with you to see what is going on.”

Sure enough, when he turned on the hot water faucet in the uncooperative shower, there was no hot water. However, when he turned on the cold water faucet the water came out steamy hot. “Someone (no one has identified the guilty party) has installed these faucets backwards.” He added, “Your hot water is cold, and your cold water is hot.”

That is a bad trick to pull on an old person, because if I were to tell people that my hot water is cold and my cold water is hot, someone would probably throw a net over my head and shout, “She’s losing it!”

But Roxanne’s sad story doesn’t end there. She said, “It’s lovely that the garbage disposal is so quiet.” The maintenance Guru replied,”Yes, you have to put your ear near the sink to hear it.” At that, he turned on the disposal and  stuck his head into her sink. After, a few minutes, he popped his head out of the sink and said, “You are right. This disposal is really quiet. It’s not connected!”

After disposing of that problem, he should have stopped right there, but then he said, “These glass topped stoves are great. You turn off the burners and the glass is cool.” Meekly, Roxanne responded, “I don’t think so.” But, he had already placed his hand on the recently used front burner.

Stifling an obscenity, he ran out of her apartment. He didn’t even bother to inquire about her dishwasher,  refrigerator or washing machine. Oh, well—Tomorrow is another day.

Esther Blumenfeld

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

The grounds at Hacienda at the Canyon (where I now live) are truly beautiful. Trees and plants, flowering  bushes and cactus have been lovingly and strategically  placed by a team of experienced gardeners. However, as these gifts of nature mature, there may be some problems in the offing. Surely, the Chief Gardener can’t suffer from Gerontophobia—or can he?

Walking down a path, I noticed some lovely, young mesquite trees. Anyway, I thought them lovely until one got me with its thorns.  Oh, Oh!

Then, on the sidewalk, neatly planted in a row, leading to the outside door, that many old folks have to enter, I noticed a row of Aloe Vera plants—lovely leaves—until they mature with sharp points. Of course, if someone is stabbed, the Aloe Vera does have medicinal qualities. On the other side, of this sidewalk are a row of plant/bushes that will eventually grow together. That will be most attractive—especially to rattlesnakes—who really enjoy resting there. So, if some octogenarian  is stabbed by the Aloe Vera, he can jump back to be greeted by a rattlesnake.  We will call this walk, “The Old Person’s Gauntlet.” The folks at Hacienda emphasize that “exercise is good for you.” So, a little jumping around might keep that old ticker going.

Further down in the community, I spied some beautiful prickly pear cactus. To watch them grow and bear fruit is a distinct pleasure for desert dwellers like me.  This  resplendent cactus, and its delicious fruit, are also extremely attractive to Javelina (desert peccaries) who will amble through, knock over whatever is in their path, with their impressive horns,  to get to those treats.  Javelina don’t see well, but their sense of smell is acute—but their smell is not so cute.

Naturally, there are many more benign and beautiful plants and trees on the grounds. It will truly be my Garden of Eden. The good thing is, as far as I know, apple trees don’t grow in the desert.

Esther Blumenfeld

GLITCHES

When moving into a brand new place, one should expect to encounter some glitches. I now have hot water, but the heat seems to want to act like air conditioning. Oh, yes, it will be fixed. I had to learn how to use the microwave oven, my new dishwasher, and washing machine and dryer. The oven is no problem, because that’s where I keep my pots and pans. Everything is different, but discovering the new can be fun.

What’s not fun is turning off the light at night, crawling under the covers and discovering a light shining into your eyes through drawn blinds.  At first, I thought it was the spotlight on the tree beneath my window, so the next morning I called down to the gardeners to point the spot away from my window.  Unfortunately, they are probably good gardeners, but speak no English. Consequently, I ran to get my Spanish/English dictionary and shouted “No Luminaries en mi bordello” (unfortunately that is not a Spanish word.)  Anyway, they got the message and pointed the spotlight away from my window.

It didn’t help!  The next morning, I opened my door to get my newspaper, and one of the construction men was standing in the hall.  I said, “Are you an electrician?”  “No,” he replied, but these fellow are.  Are you having problems with the lights in your apartment?”  “No,” I replied, “But the light in the stairwell next to my apartment is shining into my bedroom.” He then explained the dilemma to the other two men, and all three of them marched into my bedroom to see the cause of the problem.  One man took pictures of the light to show to his boss.

Now, I am convinced that between yelling out the window about my bordello, and 3 helmeted men coming out of my apartment at 7 a.m., I will get a really interesting reputation with my new neighbors. I don’t care.  If that light keeps waking me up at 2 a.m. I will confess to anything.

Esther Blumenfeld

A MOVING EXPERIENCE

As I watched the leaves raining down in the forest behind my son and daughter-in-law’s home in Fairfax, VA, I saw two red foxes frolicking and enjoying the Fall weather. Happily, I had flown in a day ahead of the bad weather, that hit the whole Country, two days before Thanksgiving.
Finally, I had time for contemplation and a badly needed rest, and some fun.

As most of you know, on October 25th my house went on the market at 2 p.m. and on October 26th, at noon, the realtor called and said, “Your house sold at full price!” On November 1st, I took possession of my apartment in the Senior Residence, HACIENDA AT THE CANYON, and I moved the last of my furniture and boxes in on November 12th.

By that time, I felt like the kid in “ The Exorcist.” My head was spinning. Only my wonderful friends Mimi and Yvonne made it bearable. Mimi is ex Navy and knows how to keep things moving and in ship shape, and she is a technology whiz kid. Yvonne can build shelves and go through boxes faster than a Road Runner chasing a lizard.

Besides, the stress of the move, I also managed to damage my 79,000 mile, 14 year old, without- a dent-or-scratch-for-14 years—Saturn. It really wasn’t all my fault! I had reasoned (which was my first mistake) that I could drive an alternate route around my apartment building to get to the front lobby. However, I discovered that sometimes you just can’t get to the other side.

So, I was driving down the street, past a covered parking area, and suddenly found myself on a small brick road. Where is Dorothy when you need her? However, there was a big pit with gas lines right in my path. Consequently, I had the choice of hitting the gas lines and blowing up the joint (which has been under construction for 21/2 years, and isn’t quite finished yet) or scraping the side of my little car on a wall. So, scrape I did as workers ran out of the building and stared and pointed before they backed my car back out of the tight place—avoiding gas line catastrophe.

I thanked them in Spanish and was happy that no one fell to his knees to beg me not to speak his language.  I did however ask (in English) “Why isn’t there  a construction zone barrier and/or sign to inform people not to drive here?  The answer was, “Someone moved it!”

Okay, so while I was enjoying a week with my kids (Yes, my daughter-in-law is now one of my kids) my car was having a $500 cosmetic makeover. Not so bad.  I recently saw a commercial that a Nintendo game only costs $300. So, that is an argument for birth control, but I digress.

The bottom line is that life happens…the good, the bad and the not so pretty.  I have chosen to move on and am happy that I have done so.  I love my new apartment, and enjoy meeting all of the nice people who are also moving in. All of us had beautiful homes that we had to sell, and we are in the same boat.  The only problem is remembering all of those names!
I write them down. That helps unless you put the name with the wrong face—every time.

So it goes.  I wish all of you a Happy Holiday Season. “May the sun shine on your face and the wind be at your back.” unless you are taking a shower.

Esther Blumenfeld

PACK UP ALL YOUR CARES AND WOES

By now, most of you know that I have been right sizing in preparation of my imminent move to the newly built, "Hacienda at the Canyon Senior Residence.” It’s been over two years in the making with numerous construction delays, and I have been watching the slow progress from across the street, because that’s where I live. In the meantime, I have been disposing and packing, and every closet and shelf in my house is filled with boxes.

Of course, there are many ways to pack. When stowing stuff in suitcases for an airplane ride there are weight and size limits, as well as rules that tell you, what you can and cannot pack.
Also, I always try to pack my purse as light as possible, but I never really succeed.

Years ago, when my husband, Warren and I lived in San Diego, friends invited us to go sailing with them on their boat. Warren asked me to pack a lemon in my handbag in case he got seasick. It was a smooth sailing day and no one got sick, but when we docked it was definitely time for a drink. Warren ordered a scotch on the rocks with a twist of lemon. The chagrined waiter said, “I’m sorry, Sir, but we are out of lemons.  “Not to worry,” I replied, as I pulled one out of my purse. The amazed waiter said, “Wow!” what else do you have in there?

When we lived in a tiny apartment in Chicago, we invited the whole family to join us for Thanksgiving dinner. Because the weather had turned very bad and the roads were icy, My in-laws took the commuter train.They arrived with two suitcases filled with mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, stuffing, biscuits and apple pie. The smell must have driven everyone on the train mad with desire.

Packing food obviously ran on that side of the family, because when Warren was invited to give a lecture in Boston he arrived home with a lobster packed in ice, and when he came home from San Francisco, he pulled a loaf of  sour dough bread out of his briefcase.  Not very romantic, but delicious. I shouldn’t have been surprised with my gifts because this was the man who, when he was a teenager, gave his petite, fashionable, mother a basketball for her
birthday. Of course if she couldn’t use it—-.

It’s amazing how much stuff one can accumulate over the years, and how much of it I probably won’t miss. The other day, I found the “What is this?” wedding gift that we never  did figure out what it was meant to do. I hope that Big Brothers and Big Sisters will find a use for it.
Every two weeks they have been picking up donated items from my home. Now, when I call them, I get a cheerful, “Oh, you’re a regular.”

Tomorrow, I will begin to move into my new digs. It's a process and I won't have my furniture in until Nov. 12th.  In the meantime, I’ll pack a few more boxes and a lot more memories to help me on my way.

Cheers,
Esther Blumenfeld